Posted by Daisym on February 6, 2007, at 16:35:17
In reply to Re: from Ms. Schmidt: therapist self disclosure, posted by widget on February 6, 2007, at 7:26:14
I sincerely meant it when I said it was admirable that he went to talk someone about how to handle this. It takes a lot of strength to do that. I don't know if he is uncomfortable or just inexperienced with this kind of thing. But you said he went to figure out how to do it "right" instead of how to work with it with *you* -- and perhaps that is why you are at the impasse. I guess even if we know it is transference, it isn't all that helpful to label feelings as if that explains everything and no more curiosity is needed. Does that disqualify him from dealing with it? --- NO. Of course not. There are many, many therapists who are used to doing a different type of therapy but stretch themselves to meet the needs of the individual clients. Other therapists decide they don't want to work with transference, other than acknowledge that it exists. Only you can decide if you can tolerate if and how he is willing to work with your feelings about him. I believe there are posters here who have talked about "training" their therapists around this exact topic. You asked if it is his issue to work on? Yes. But it is yours too. And together, in the therapy, it seems to be an issue.
I can only tell you from my own experience that when we talk about these feelings, the questions asked aren't really about finding a right answer, but instead what it means for my internal life. For example, what does it mean to me to be allowed to love someone without them wanting anything back from me, especially physically? What are the risks of having such strong feelings for someone? How angry am I at him at times that he isn't as available to me as I'd like him to be? What am I am learning by being able to talk about anything and everything with him?
Fundamentally, for me, I think if there were topics that my therapist said were "off limits" having to do with me and not his personal life, I would be on alert at all times for making a mistake and crossing into these subjects. I've worried for a long while about doing therapy wrong. Besides, banging into boundaries is really painful for me, I don't want subject boundaries added to the list.
I hope this makes some sense and isn't too long. I am fortunate to have a psychodynamic, depth therapist who is very experienced and specializes in long term therapy. (But I knew none of that when I started.) I'm skittish, I struggle with all the audible honesty expected of me and I want to run from therapy every other week. It is really hard, hard work. But hang in there. Every once in a while you have those sessions that makes it all worth it.
poster:Daisym
thread:316425
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/730498.html