Posted by ShortElise on February 4, 2007, at 0:01:17
In reply to Re: from Ms. Schmidt: therapist self disclosure » ShortElise, posted by widget on February 3, 2007, at 23:34:40
What should you do? Well, what I have done is accept that my T respects me, that he is a good T, that he feels some affection for me at times, that he feels annoyed with me at times, that I bore him sometimes, and that we don't talk about his feelings unless it's helpful to my therapy.
If a T begins to have feelings for client/patients that are inappropriate s/he would, I think, go to see an advisor (I can't think of the right word for that at the moment) and if it can't be resolved - by the T outside of the relationship with his client - the T sends that client on to someone else.
I think there are lots of kinds of love. I love my cats, I love pasta with smoked salmon cream sauce, I love my husband, and I love a long, hot bath after a hard day. I love my best friend, and I love my old jeans. What I feel from my T doesn't fit into any of those loves. And if I call it feeling cared about, feeling safe, feeling respected and seen and heard - that's not love. That's more important than feeling he loves me. I don't need him to love me. I need him to care, hear, see, listen, and respect. But none of it has to do with touching or loving.
Were he ever to say to me that he loves me, I would lose faith in him, and in the therapy I've had with him. There have been times when he's had feelings that I've picked up on - anger, frustration, fatigue - and that have affected my therapy, so we've talked about them, but he always takes responsibility for his own feelings. And I can tell sometimes that he's feeling affection toward me. It's lovely. But I don't want to be loved by him. He's a fine man, my age, nice to look at, intelligent, very well educated, has varied interests, a family, etc. but I just want him to be my therapist, and to continue to be a kind, caring therapist. And for his sake, I hope he doesn't love me. It would have to be a strange kind of love .. he has so many patients, and if he loved some of us, it would be so hard for him.
I hope this all makes sense and is in some way helpful.
SE
poster:ShortElise
thread:316425
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/729518.html