Posted by bil on January 28, 2007, at 15:44:20
In reply to Re: Nightmares **sex abuse trigger**, posted by sunnydays on January 27, 2007, at 20:56:08
Sunnydays, you said...
"See, I just think that somehow there must have been something I could have done to predict it, or something. My therapist says that's sort of magical thinking though, because how could anyone have seen it?"I read a book ages ago, (and now I can't remember the title or anything... sorry!) that said by blaming ourselves for being abused or victimised like this is a way that we take back control of the situation... because if we say 'I could have stopped this... therefore I was NOT a victim!" then we feel like we did have power.
In some ways, feeling like we had no power is more scary... and actually putting the blame where it belongs is even scarier!
Why did mommy hit me?
Because I am a bad girl, and made her do it.
It was my fault.
Nice little girls don't get angry at mommy.or.......
Nice little girls don't get angry at threatening little brother because she is older and should be looking after him.
Nice little girls don't get angry at parents who should have known better than to leave their daughter with a son who they damn well knew had some problems.
Nice little girls don't get angry at parents who ignored her fear, terror, and vulnerability.So pass that guilty stick so nice little girl can whack herself with it.
And then your subconscious replays it to try to MAKE YOU MAD!
Wow- I am starting to shake typing this... getting in touch with anger must be one of my triggers, lol! I'm good at self-blame, too.
Bil
poster:bil
thread:727148
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/727514.html