Posted by muffled on January 26, 2007, at 15:01:01
In reply to Re: confused**trigger?** » muffled, posted by happykat on January 26, 2007, at 12:35:00
> If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck then it probably is a duck.
Despite my best efforts to not beleive this, its getting harder to deny....
>
> There is a reason you don't remember and its not just some weird memory problem because memory doesn't work like that. If you are missing gaps in your childhood its for a good reason. Coupled with the fact that you have other signs/symptoms consistent with trauma then IMO I'd say something probably happened.Sigh.
>
> The suck part is that you may never know what happened. And that is truly one of the hardest things to deal with. I think I have pieced some of my stuff together but then sometimes I think I'm crazy and what if I'm wrong? I don't know about you but I always feel like some invisible hand clamps down over my mouth when I try to talk about it sometimes or I get the whole brain fog thing going. I know exactly what I want to say driving to her office and the moment I'm there I can't remember a d*mn thing. Defense mechanisms. That's why you don't remember parts of your childhood.I can't even think of it by myself. I can't bring thots. Sometimes I start to, but somer part of me absolutely pannicks in the extreeme and instantly shuts off any connection. I dissociate w/my T a whole lot less.
>
> Have you tried doing a history timeline and writing down everything you remember, when the gaps are and correlating them with your symptoms and what triggers you?My T is very very careful to not put stuff on me, its for me to say, and I've never said to her that maybe I got hurt really. mebbe mentioned in passing, but those times I immediately pannick and she backs off.
I tried writing a story bout a fictional little girl and following my memories, but it started out this sweet kid that loved the world, and then there is NOTHING at all, and the next thing this little girl is terrified of the world and thinks she's bad and must hide the bad from others.
So I dunno. I haven't showed that to T. Don't want her to think the wrong things....
A p-doc wanted me to get neuropsych tested. I dunno.
>
> It is hard not being able to tell your t. Do you have any memory fragments that she could maybe help you work on putting together. I know its hard and sometimes there aren't even any words at all especially if something happened to you when you were preverbal.Just a terrible visceral terror and disgust with this body. Sometimes I think maybe I just start to see something, but then there's a white flash in my eyes and its gone....
>
> These are 3 excellent books on trauma and how the body and mind store memories:
>
> "Trauma and Recovery"
> "Trauma Through A Child's Eyes"
> "Waking The Tiger"I will look into those, thank you.
>
> Be well and Stay safe.
> Regards,
> happykatRegards to you too HK, take care,
Muffled
>
poster:muffled
thread:726521
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/726767.html