Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 16, 2007, at 16:16:21
In reply to small update **trig small abuse » MidnightBlue, posted by ElaineM on January 16, 2007, at 11:07:27
Hey Elaine!!!
> I was debating whether to tell this seperate part, cause it's nothing definate and I could back out at the last second and worry it'd only frustrate or disappoint you all, but, this person who I has meeting with asked once more if I'd consider (at least) group therapy. I'd said NO the first two times she asked. But I said she could put me on the list this time. I'm really scared about that. But I agreed cause I was/am really scared...I don't know. I don't know if it will do any good, and am afraid it's just gonna upset me even more -- especially if nothing seems to come of it. But I'm on the list (which usually takes two or so months *sigh*). It's dumb but last night I was so stressed about it - wished I could turn back time and take it back. I don't know - I still have a long time to think about it. More waiting. But I'm already so incredibly nervous about it. Though I'm nervous about alot of things these days.I think anyone would be nervous about this, but it seems like a really good opportunity for you to interact with more people (at the very least) and hopefully find a better therapy solution (hopefully) than what you have to put up with presently.
Here are the reasons why *I* would be nervous:
1) what if I wait and wait and nothing is available. ever. I worried for nothing.2) what if I go to the sessions and they make me feel bad, because I have to lie about/avoid talking about relationship with current T.
3) what if I go to the sessions and the other people are so much "healthier" than I am and I feel like a complete loser?
4) what if I don't like the people in the group, or they don't like me?
5) what if going to the group sessions make me feel more unstable? Isn't the status quo good enough?
6) what if seeing another T (at the group) makes current "t" increase his unwanted pleas for me to be "faithful" to him? What if I upset my current "t"? Am I good enough to place my own needs in an uncertain basket and feel confident about it, or do I need my current "t" to continue to carry the basket of my needs around with him?
7) change in my routine
8) I'm not used to talking about myself, my issues. It's been a while now.
9) Maybe I like feeling this way. It's comfy being alone and miserable, certainly more comfortable than entrusting my mental well-being to a group of complete strangers.
****
just a few of my own neurotic thoughts. Do you share any of them?
anyways, I just had a good session with my T. I wish you and I could switch places for a week or two. You'd get an infusion of the strength that comes from seeing a real T, and I could show your "t" a few things about how his behavior affects the [crazy LlurpsieNoodle] sitting across from him... yeah. That would be a good time.
-Ll
p.s. again, really really sorry if I'm being presumptuous.
p.p.s. I forgot to congratulate you on doing something really really hard. You've made a very brave decision. I hope it pays off soon!
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:721410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/722938.html