Posted by ElaineM on January 16, 2007, at 11:07:27
In reply to El » ElaineM, posted by MidnightBlue on January 15, 2007, at 0:11:10
>>>>>>He is in a position of power because he IS a T.
That's something he's never understood. When we were talking back in the summer about his lack of confidence and shyness, and awkwardness he said he feels when doing sessions (all, not just mine) I said to him, "But you're the T! I guarantee most of your patients already think you're so much higher than them. Most clients I've know have always wanted their T to think highly of them back, and impress or please them." He said, "I don't think that's how it's been at all. I've never heard of that." I think he may have said that straight analysis was the exception (but I can't remember exactly).
I don't really like to think of what the age gap suggests -- its too devastating. (Though, maybe two or three months ago I thought about it all the time. Now, I just turn off those kind of thoughts cause I was driving myself crazy).
Actually, I thought you were gonna say that he was having a mid life crisis.
MB, your replies are never ill-stated. You're always checking up, and that's dear to me. I wish I had the faith and the strength to believe in something as beautiful as that quote you shared with me. I would love to feel the comfort of having faith in something - God, or fate, or anything else. But I've never had it. I think I came to learn that trusting in the potential goodness of the world, or others, got you beat down or worse.
About the only thing that I try and live by these days is the idea that a functioning body is too precious to waste. So I try to still fight any AN urges, and I try and do stuff on "good days" cause I never know how long it will last or if it will come back. Not anything big, just go to the store or commit to appointments, or something like that.
>>>>>>Humm I'm guessing some sort of "physical" test followup tomorrow? Post how it goes. I know it is hard for you to go to these appointments. Share your fears and pain with us, it is okay. Really it is.
Yes, something physical. I've been going back and forth (for awhile) about mentioning it, but I don't think it's something I want to talk about now. I think followup was the wrong word -- cause I only had it done yesterday, the results will take longer -- I should've just said the last of my meetings with this particular person. The first parts went well (interms of results) and it's likely that these last ones will be okay too. *knock on wood* I'm kinda afraid now that I just said that. I really REALLY hope it's okay. I hate waiting (but that's what I do).
I was debating whether to tell this seperate part, cause it's nothing definate and I could back out at the last second and worry it'd only frustrate or disappoint you all, but, this person who I has meeting with asked once more if I'd consider (at least) group therapy. I'd said NO the first two times she asked. But I said she could put me on the list this time. I'm really scared about that. But I agreed cause I was/am really scared...I don't know. I don't know if it will do any good, and am afraid it's just gonna upset me even more -- especially if nothing seems to come of it. But I'm on the list (which usually takes two or so months *sigh*). It's dumb but last night I was so stressed about it - wished I could turn back time and take it back. I don't know - I still have a long time to think about it. More waiting. But I'm already so incredibly nervous about it. Though I'm nervous about alot of things these days.
thanks for caring ((((MB))))
blove El
poster:ElaineM
thread:721410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/722855.html