Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 11, 2007, at 22:28:17
In reply to Am I bad?, posted by muffled on January 11, 2007, at 15:50:54
> Sorry LL not meaning to mess with your thread, but this seemed to fit with it.......
> So feel free to tell me to piss off if I am annoying you! :)Oh I will, don't worry!! (except that today T and I established that I am agreeable to the brink of self-destruction. oops, minor complication)
> So:
> My question is. I have disconnected from my mother as stated earlier. Not sure exactly when this happened, but long ago.
> As recently as a year or so ago, I did feel a desire to help my Mom as I was realizing that she DID have probs.(guess I figgered this thru my own T somehow). So I mentioned to Dad, sisters as how she might be depressed or something etc etc. I pushed it a bit, but not much. I did not deal at all w/my Mom personally.
> No action seems to have been taken, but I guess there is awareness within the family now anyways.
> Now, now I just am completely disconnected. I feel I did what I cared to do on her behalf.
> I COULD do more. I could try and connect w/her. I think it would make her happy. I don't think she's ever really had that and craves it from anyone. I think she got lots of love inside, she just f*cked up for some reason.
> So. Now I wondering, am I bad cuz I DON'T try to help my MOm? Am I being selfish? I AM being safe, trying to keep myself safe from being hurt. Cuz I KNOW it will be one way. I can give to her, but I doubt she would be able to give anything back. She proly would get all mushy and I don't do emots.
> On the one hand I've walked away, but now reading this thread I wonder, mebbe I should'nt have, I am being selfish....
> She's old, and not so well....
> Sh*t anyways.
> Sorry so long.
> MuffledHoly Moly! you think that's LONG?!?! um. have you READ my last response to littleone? lol
I think... (pause)... that you have a lot of wonderfulness inside you. I think that you do a lot of very good things in your day to day life, including helping out Llurpsienoodles and other needy souls. When you are strong enough to help your mom out, you will know. Often the best advice to others is that they seek out help when they are ready for it. You can lead a horse to water... etc.
Spread the word that doctors can help people with depression. Maybe if she views it as a "medical condition" than it won't be so hard for her to get some attention.
As far as giving her love-- Well, the best love is love that you loan someone, and that they return with interest. If you have a lot of extra love to spread around some days, sure you can share some with your mom. But you don't want to make her dependent on your love. She should be able to generate her own love every now and then too, IMO. If you keep on sharing your love and it's not returned to you then you will feel some kind of bad. I don't want you to feel bad.
your friend,
Lurps
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:720964
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/721530.html