Posted by sunnydays on December 8, 2006, at 22:16:08
In reply to Re: happy -- sad.... why so fast? » sunnydays, posted by happykat on December 8, 2006, at 21:52:20
> hi sunnydays,
>
> > I was so happy for a few hours this evening. Just bubbly and bouncy and happy. Why is the sadness creeping back?
> >
> I'm sorry that its creeping back. I've been going through alot of that lately too. When I do get a period of happiness and I notice its waning I try to do everything possible to keep myself from sliding. Whether its indulging in lemon loaf and a hot caramel apple cider from Starbucks, or taking a bubble bath, watching a movie, or exercising like a maniac. (Yoga and meditation are also very good.) Try finding something that you love to do that makes you happy deep down and indulge!**** Yeah. The problem is I have no car and things I would love to do kind of require one. But I tried to make hot chocolate and indulge a little if I could.
>
> I know it's hard. Especially the stuff surrounding T's. I'm going on a trip to see my family tomorrow and the first thing I made sure I packed was my T's business card, brochure with her picture on it, and small momento she gave me. I wish she had been my mom instead of the one I have to go see. :(**** Yeah, I wish my T was my father so much.
>
> The only thing that keeps it realistic for me is knowing that there is no way my T could be that perfect all the time. Even she admits that her relationships with her kids are not perfect.**** I know he's not perfect, but just a few little things he's said are so different from the way my parents are that I know it would be so much better than my parents were, even if not perfect. I know he wouldn't hit me, and I know the rules would be fairly consistent and I would be in a safe, fairly predictable environment.
>
> > And I'm missing my T a lot. I wish I could live with him.<<
>
> But what if the reality is that he leaves the cap off the toothpaste, throws his clothes on the floor, snores, is grouchy in the morning, etc..***** See, that's the thing. Because I know it will never happen in reality I can make it perfect in my head. But really, in a lot of ways I wouldn't care. Still sounds better than my family.
>
> I think its so easy to put our T's up on a pedestal because we only see them at their best. We get their full undivided attention. Their families probably rarely get that.
>**** I'm sure that's true. I know I put him on a pedestal, although he's made a few mistakes around me and I know he can be a little forgetful/disorganized, but I still don't care in a lot of ways. It's those moments of gentleness and caring I crave so much and I could take a lot of mistakes along with that.
> What takes the sting out of not having my T for a mother is the notion that I would like her a lot less as a mother because I wouldn't get the attention that I get when she's my T.
>**** Oh, I wouldn't get 100% attention, but I'd get a lot, and not for the wrong reasons.
> I hope you are feeling better! :) Try to hang on and keep the happy feelings with you as long as you can! I know its really hard.
>
> Feel Better (((sunnydays)))
>
> happykat :)
>***** Thanks happykat. I don't mean to be contrary. Just kind of trying to hang on to my little fantasies. Sometimes they help me feel better and sometimes not. Thank you so much for your post. I never feel like I'm going to get replies or that I deserve them. Thank you.
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:711715
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061123/msgs/711752.html