Posted by inimitable on November 24, 2006, at 22:44:25
my situation is kind of like daisy, above, but i didn't wnat to take over her post with my story. i was kind of like this lats year around this time (lazy, down, empty, worthless, tired. etc.), but this year it's worse. i don't wnat to be around anyone really. i am finally divorced, but now my husband can't support me financially and the money is running low, but i am going to move back home in a month (am here in this town for college, which i'll have to quit for a bit since exhusband can't support me), so there's no job here i can take for a month. plus, i am pretty much failing three classes, so i am not showing up to those ones....my life is going down the drain. i just had a fight with my sister on the night before turkey day, AND on turkey day, and i left and came back here, missing turkey day with my dad and his side of family (which i wouldn't have had a very good time at anyways). the thing that's different about this year, is i have been thinking of suicide. a LOT. on the night of me and my sister's fight, i wanted to just lay outside, in the woods, and let myself stay there till i died. now, i am seeing a therapist (have been ever since this happened last year around this time) and he has been supportive, and i feel a connection with him that i've never felt before, but i will have to leave him once i am done with school here (he is a grad student through the school, that is the only way i am allowed to see him, since i am a student). so soon, i will have no one, and no place to live, and apartment here, that i'll still have to pay rent on, and no secure job.
all i really wnat to do, is not think about these things, let myself layaround doing nothing and not have to live any sort of life.
also, something else different: i have been having sex, thinking about sex, a lot lately. i never used to like it, but recently (within the past few months) i had sex with a guy and he actually made me orgasm, and only one other guy had done that for me before, and i actually ENJOYED sex with this guy. but then he stopped having sex with me. and i wanted it even more. and i am planning on having sex with a different guy this saturday (or maybe tonight). it's all protected sex, btu i wonder if all this stress in life is making me use sex as a distraction. and maybe it's not even a problem. i don't know.
sorry so long and full of typos.*inimitable
poster:inimitable
thread:706934
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061123/msgs/706934.html