Posted by LadyBug on November 20, 2006, at 3:58:06
My T is leaving town on Monday for the week. I'm in a bit of a panic over it as I'm still recovering from my bi-lateral knee replacments. (Both knees- total replacements) It's been a hard recovery and I'm no where near where I will be in time. I have to wear thigh high Ted Hose, for anyone that's ever worn those you know the pain they are and how uncomfortable they can be especially when they roll up behind the knees and at the ankle. I have to wear them 23 of 24 hours a day. I have to sit on a chair in the shower and it's hard to get in and out. I can't drive for at least 2 1/2 more weeks. It's 2:00 am and I can't sleep. I tried to fall asleep, I can't get comfortable. I usually sleep on my tummy, but with the surgery I'm mostly on my back as being on my side hurts my knees and legs. I have anxiety, I hate night time. I leave my light on so I don't trip on anything when I need to get up to go to the bathroom. I have to have oxygen at night, I hate the noise and I hate the tube on my face and in my nose. I woke up crying a bit ago. I want my T to come and hold on to me till I get back to sleep and tell me I'll be ok.
My husband is spiraling out of control with some heavy issues he has and I can't deal with it and have no one to talk to about it except my T. And she's leaving. I feel like a little girl whose being abandonded by her mom when she needs her the most. I can't stop crying for I know I can't get a hold of her now. She called me on Friday to check on me, but I wasn't able to answer. She left a nice and caring message and said that she'd try to call me at a later time, she hasn't called me yet. She may call before she leaves town? I think I will call and leave her a message before she changes her voice mail to vacation.
I hate this, I've never been through anything physically this hard in my life and it in turn takes my mental self for a ride too. I'm trying to have a positive attitude. I spent 13 days in the hospital/rehab and I've been home for about 12 days. I went to a movie last night with my kids and it felt good to get out. I went in the car with my daughter while she ran some errands for me. But now the weekend is over and no one will be home but me. Work and school. I have a physical therapist that comes 3 days a week. But I don't see anyone else much inbetween. I do get a lot of supportive phone calls from my sisrer, brothers and my parnets.
My daughter took me to see my T last Thurs. evening. It was so good to see her but so much work to get ready and get there. My daugher agreed to take me and then gave me nothing but crap all the way there!! I was so negative with everything in my life that I felt bad afterword. I called to say I was sorry for being so negative. She said, she was worried about me because I have so much on my plate right now, not only with my own stuff but with my husbands issues as well that affect our whole family and give us all anxiety. She only knows part of what he's done, I found out more stuff that is just awful and she doesn't know any of it because I haven't talked to her.I wish I could just drop off to sleep for several hours. I could take a few of my pain meds and hope to fall asleep, but I keep my pain meds out of the home so no one tries to steal them from me. I only have 3 pills and won't get more until tomorrow late afternoon. I may need 2 of those for my physical therapy. It's crazy but only I would understand what I have to do here.
I'm only supposed to sit at the computer for 30 min. at a time due to circulation in my legs. Blood clots are an issue they have to protect me from.
I don't even know if I'm getting paid from my work or not. I never got the final word before I started my family medical leave. Our benefits person only said, "I don't see that there shoud be any problem with it." (getting paid that is) I sure hope so cause I can't afford my insurance premiums on my own and I can't afford to lose my insurance. I've only received the bills for the hospital and it's up to $43,000.00 already. That doesn't include the Dr. or any of my rehab time for which I was in rehab for 6 days. And I have the PT on top of that. I worry about being a burden on my family. I ask for there help to carry things for me, it's kinda hard to get up and down the stairs with crutches and try to carry anything at all with me.I guess it's helped me to type out the things that are bothering me right now. I know no one can do anything for me. You all have your own set of issues to deal with. I wish I could be more supportive right now, but I am hoping you will see what I'm up against at the time and understand when I don't reply as I should.
I think I will call and leave my T a message and hope that she gets it before she leaves. I'm sure she will. She said she may check her voice mail while she's gone, but it's a holiday and I'm sure she wants to share it with her family and not worry about a gimp like me. I know she's aware of my needs and will do the best she can for me.
Thanks for reading this, I know it's long. I have a lot on my mind, what's left of it that is.
Hugs to all for being here for me at this difficult time in my life. It's going to be several weeks before I'm healed from the surgeries. My knees feel like cement and I can't wait for them to feel better and be stronger; not to mention the range of motion to improve. It takes a lot of work!!! I don't take my physical or mental health for granted, this has been the hardest thing I've ever gone though of this nature. I do not regret it in the least. It's going to be so nice to walk with out the bone on bone pain that I've had for years.
Thanks for reading, sorry it's soooo long. My emotions are high and my plate is full. AND I want my T!!! She did come to the hospital and see me and she also came to my home last Mon. but only stayed 30 min. cause my PT was coming. I miss her ;'-(
LadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:705438
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061109/msgs/705438.html