Posted by Lindenblüte on November 6, 2006, at 21:33:04
In reply to hospital fear/phobia? ****trigger » MidnightBlue, posted by ElaineM on November 6, 2006, at 21:00:53
Hi Elaine,
I'm so sorry for your hardships. I always knew that you were such a remarkably giving person. I didn't realize how much you are willing to put yourself "out there" emotionally. Seriously, the situation with your grandfather sounds like you became very emotionally invested in his survival, or at least in his peace.It's a terrible tragedy, for you, and for your whole family. It explains a lot of your anxiety regarding the sanity of the healthcare system.
No, it's a very strange world we find ourselves in these days. Caregiving plays second fiddle to technology. Covering one's *ss is more important than taking a risk. In the end the patients and their families suffer terrible tragedies. You are not alone. It is incredibly difficult to find yourself in a life-or-death situation, especially when you, yourself are not 100% able to give. And the proximity to your mother, and other family no doubt made even the simplest tasks and decisions very stressful.
Well, that's behind you. REALLY.
Let's focus on the here and now. I think your health has taken a turn for the worse. You must do whatever you need to preserve the vessel that holds your soul. Your soul is SO strong, and your will to live is so brave and powerful- you have gone to the edge and back more times in your young life than most people ever will. You have learned, though. Learned that eventually the pain will make you desperate, and you will end up calling and begging for the care that you needed days or weeks ago. Keep remembering this. When you think things are "bearable" for now, just try to keep your eye on making it over the next bump. Be a little more proactive. Don't let things get so desparate that you will have to be hospitalized.
I really hope things go well tomorrow. It sounds like people are recognizing your case as urgent, and it IS.
Not just the ED speaking, or some ploy to gain pity from babble, or ? I dunno what you're afraid of. I'm listening to YOU. When you hurt, it doesn't MATTER one bit whether you used to be skinny and ill. It matters that you're hurting NOW and that you're sick NOW and that you need help NOW.
You are right, not everyone is prepared to hear the intense psychological and physical struggles you have survived and continue to struggle with. Not everyone wants to be confronted with the possibility that a member of their ranks (like your T) may be ineffectual at best and abusive at worst. Not everyone is prepared to understand how the healthcare system has given you no one to turn to in a moment of crisis. Those monumental failures are difficult for people to face, especially people who are part of the system.
But you, Elaine, are not the problem. You are a person who deserves the best care that is available. You are a person who has a LOT to offer society, and a young person who is just getting ready to unfold her wings and get her life started. You can do this. Remember that sometimes the darkest moments can bring epiphany. You keep hanging in there, a half-cup of water at a time.
(((((((((really gentle hugs for you, friend))))))))))))
love,
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:699952
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/701080.html