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Re: I had a nightmare last night *touch trigger*

Posted by Jost on November 1, 2006, at 19:53:09

In reply to I had a nightmare last night *touch trigger*, posted by Racer on October 29, 2006, at 13:04:32

Hi Racer.

The dream sounds pretty upsetting. Not only because you're so desperate at the end, but because of the sort of combination of invasiveness and neglect (or ignoring your needs, or you-- not hearing you-- possibly intentionally) that it portrays.

I think the thing that I feel when I read it is how abrupt and disruptive everything that happens is--

you walk into the agency, and they suddenly tell you you can't see your T, but have to see a strange T whom you don't want to see

the T comes and doesn't greet you but starts walking to the room

then you're in the bathroom and he just walks in ==clearly somewhere where by definition he's not entitled to be-- ie it's a ladies room, and he's a man-- so it's particularly disruptive and inappropriate for him to abruptly walk in

he's also accusatory-- and brings frightening people with him-- perhaps images of yourself or your fears-- or perhaps accusations-- ie you're not just keeping him waiting, you're keeping everyone waiting

then your walk to the room is interrupted by someone, and he abruptly starts to ignore you, although aggressively-- he won't let you be on your own-- he holds you down and commands your attention by constraining you-- like you have to be completely still or rigid-- you shouldn't even move, or look around--but be focussed only on him

so he won't let go, at the same time, he's ignoring you--although it's worse than that because he's consciously ignoring you, so he's actually paying attention to you and ignoring you at the same time-- making it impossible to find a stable position, or extricate yourself or communicate with hiim -- so it's a really bad mixed message

I feel as if he's strangling you, breaking through your ability to be by yourself (even in your own head), imposing his ruthlessness on you, so that you can't get what you need, you can't be together with him, but you can't leave, or move


I dont' know-- there's a quality of brutality in it, I think.

it sounds like one of those dreams where there are the trappings of ordinary life, which somewhat disguises the really bad things that are happening-- you're deprived of your right to know or say, if you do know, that it's wrong -- But maybe that's my feeling

I haven't heard the word "agency" in a long time-- don't know if agency is an issue-- in the sense of volition-- or just that my parents worked at an agency-- so the word strikes me especially

Did your T call back? or respond in any way? Acknowledge your voice?

sorry you had the dream, or reasons to have the dream,

Jost


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poster:Jost thread:698730
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