Posted by Susan47 on October 22, 2006, at 22:40:20 [reposted on October 28, 2006, at 11:34:04 | original URL]
In reply to Re: Atticus? » Susan47, posted by Atticus on October 19, 2006, at 14:46:33
Perhaps I was trying to find the desire to live. Perhaps I was hoping that by taking the steps to end my life, I would thereby find a desire to live it.
What you said, Atticus, about fighting for your life at the end, gives me hope. I suppose that's backward. Finding hope by feeling what it would be like to be there, at the edge of dying.
Perhaps I'm hoping I can spark a near-death experience .. without actually dying.
Without the desire to really LIVE, how can I go through the motions day-to-day? The pain of just going through the motions, knowing that I'm WASTING the life I've been given, no matter how good someone else sees it as being .. I see it as small and desperate. Which isn't worth the effort to take another breath .. the things I tell myself, honestly .. it isn't right. It isn't right to be given a life that is this "good" and not really to engage in it.
I don't engage.
I want the desire, the Desire to Engage in my Life.
Did you find it long-term, Atticus?
poster:Susan47
thread:692765
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/698443.html