Posted by Lindenblüte on October 2, 2006, at 18:19:52
In reply to Re: My newT is asking about SI (long as usual), posted by ElaineM on October 2, 2006, at 17:18:13
> Li, I think 24+hours is great (SE board), especially coming off a really long, bad binge. It's pretty amazing actually. Now it will be about adding another hour or two on to that time, or an additional 24hours....maybe that's pushing it. But try not to get too down on yourself. It's unfair to expect that a coping skill that's been building "forever" can be abandoned right away - or at least without some slips.
thank you for your pep talk El :)
It's hard not to get down on myself. Oh well. I always forget that no one can hurt me as much as I hurt myself! No one can make me feel as down as I can make myself feel. Thanks for the little boost. :)
> I've hesitated posting to your SI containing threads cause I've been wondering if you find descriptions of others behaviours triggering -- kinda like a snowballing way. Does it make you do it more, or less, or is it a completely internal, personal momentum? Just wondering.No, this doesn't trigger me, at least not in my experience. If/when it does, I'll let you all know. I think it's all internal. Other people might put pressure on me to do something (like a work deadline)-- that might be a trigger, but not reading about someone elses struggles.
> Cause I always thought SI was such a rare thing. Infact, I was amazed when people admitted to me when I first started posting that they struggle with it too. I had only ever heard pdocs relate "Yes, I've heard of people doing that too", or "Well I've heard that some ED patients do it that way" when I've been interviewed. I always thought that I was the only one who did my two effed up ways. It's hard to believe that there could be others doing it the exact same way as me -- but they do, apparently. But I'd never heard an actual person admit how they do it. (well, once in treatment, but the girl got in trouble right away and had to shut up)
trouble? That's not cool. I guess I never really pushed it as an issue with my pdoc and T. I mentioned it on several occasions, but referred to it more as a nervous habit, rather than telling them how and when and to what extent it occupied my troubled mind.
> You've probably answered this already but, have you (or any others) told "regular-life" people before? like NOT professionals.
- good question. I mention very off-hand that I pick at my hangnails. Nearly everyone does that. I do it in public, often. But I have never told anyone about cutting, or the really systematic destruction of my cuticles, the blemish/scab picking, etc. I have one friend that I am getting closer to. We've worked together for about 18 months. I actually started my mental health treatment after hearing her and another guy talk about their AD depressants at a dinner party one night. I was totally blown away! huh? this "normal" person who is SO successful has to see a therapist and take AD? Oh. Maybe I should think about it too. She has been a resource. I have told her about some of the more bizarre things that my oldT has said. Recently, I told her my blog url, so I guess she will find out about the SI now. I think she'll be okay with it though.
>Other than the regular stuff, I'd never told another of one of the really effed up ways until coming here. And they seemed okay with it. Well, I guess just not repulsed. But I've found that that version of SI happens for me in reaction to, or anticipation of, a certain memory -- The two things go together. Do you find that different memories ever bring out specific versions of your SI, a unique routine? (Again, just curious. You can say only Yes or No -- You don't need to elaborate if it's hard.)
no- (maybe?)I guess I don't really know what brings it on. Usually when I am going through a rough time in therapy, or when I have a lot of deadlines. Basically, when I know that there are a lot of demands being placed on me, and I dont' know if I have what it takes to do a good job. Another situation is when I am completely numb and just want to feel SOMETHING, anything. Another thing that might provoke it is when I feel like I don't know who I am-- that kind of surreal dissociated state that happens to me when I'm really stressed, or never really wake up from a bad flashback.
>
> ps. They made me try wearing gloves all the time (well, most of the time) so it couldn't be an automatic reaction -- cause I'd sometimes zone out and not realize it happening. I'd have to take the gloves off to do it, making myself aware of the process. It's a strategy for early on when you're learning to just "delay the symptom".
>
> Since you helped me pick out my springy pink slipper-shoes, if you're up to it, I'd like to pay you back by helping you pick out some lovely gloves. Mine are pink...go figure!Thank you so much. I have a pair of bumblebee gloves that came with my burt's bee's stuff, but I could only find one yesterday. They get washed with my socks and get totally lost. I should buy a few more pairs. The thing is that they must be thin enough for me to type and turn book pages, or else I might as well wear boxing gloves. ugh.
(((((El)))))
I'm still amazed that more Ts and pdocs don't recognize this as a basic symptom, just like insomnia and loss of appetite. It should be part of a screening battery. Maybe it was, but I just evaded that question, just like when the nurse asked me if I had ever been abused, and I got this little smile on my face... thinking... well, depends on who you ask, and when... before answering "No".
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:690260
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/691298.html