Posted by Racer on September 16, 2006, at 13:58:22
In reply to Psychiatric hospital records, posted by vwoolf on September 16, 2006, at 12:49:42
I've got my records from the Agency From Hell. And I've talked to my T, telling her that I will eventually want to go through her records with her, too. She says that can be part of termination, and she will do it, although she does discourage it. (For good reasons...) In my case, she's said that she understands my reasons, and hopes that it will either not be an issue when the time comes, or that going through together will help strengthen the work we've done on my trust issues.
If you're going to do this -- more on that later -- I think it would be wise to take your T with you. And take a notebook, so you can take notes.
Why do I say "IF?" Well, it's not necessarily a good idea. My case was a little unusual, in that it involved a traumatic and abusive situation. Reading my records helped me see that it wasn't entirely that I was the worst person on earth, that it was only 98% that I was too sick to be helped in any way by anyone. OK, what it really did was prove to me that my perception that the people there had had a problem listening to me, or hearing me, was NOT a distortion. (They kept telling me that they were listening, that they were hearing, that they did understand -- and that I was the problem, because I couldn't see that. You ever seen the movie "Gaslight?") So, seeing the proof that they really hadn't heard what I was saying helped me. Again, though -- this was not a normal situation.
Unfortunately, seeing my records was also pretty devastating for me. It's been more than two years now since the last time I was seen there, and I am still experiencing a lot of problems from it that affect nearly every aspect of my life. Having read the records, and thus seeing what I wasn't aware of at the time, I feel impotent, helpless, ineffective, etc. Obviously, nothing I did made any positive difference for me. That's not a good feeling, and the records were uncomfortable for that reason. The information contained in there devastated my self-image, my self-esteem, and my self-confidence. If the situation had been any different -- if I had not been in such bad shape based on what happened there, I would not think it had been a good idea at all.
Here's the thing: I don't think it's a good idea to see psychiatric records unless there's a very compelling reason. What would be a compelling reason? Well, anything you could sue for malpractice over. If it's anything less serious than that, I don't think it's a good idea. What do I recommend? I recommend -- very strongly -- that you ask yourself what you're hoping to accomplish by examining those records? What do you think it will help you with? Depending on your answer(s) to that question, it might make sense NOT to see them.
If you do go to see them, I also recommend you take your T along. And I very strongly urge you to discuss with your T why you want to see them, AND whether your T thinks it's a good idea. Your T knows where you are, and can probably make a good guess about how damaging it might be for you at this time.
Another option, by the way, is to have a copy of your records sent to your T, who wouldn't be able to show them to you, but could check them out and talk to you about any issues you bring up related to them. If, for instance, you're wondering if your perception about the way you were treated there is accurate, your T could check the records, and see if they support your view or not, and then discuss it with you to help you resolve it. That, I think, is what I would have done if I had had a T I trusted. It's what I would recommend to anyone else who wanted to see their records.
I know it can seem as though The Big Question can be answered through something like this. But you know what? It's not going to resolve nearly as much as it's going to churn up. It can be DEVASTATING. If you go alone, I'd be afraid you'd break down over what you may see in there. Even if you're 99.9% mentally healthy with everything resolved when you read them -- I still think there's a good chance of it being very damaging.
I'm sorry to sound so discouraging. But I really hope you'll consider alternatives.
poster:Racer
thread:686571
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/686587.html