Posted by Racer on August 31, 2006, at 14:24:32
In reply to Whoa -- where did that come from? (Part 1 - long), posted by Racer on August 31, 2006, at 14:10:34
And then, after that session -- which didn't really finish, so we scheduled another for today -- I had to run across town and pick up my husband to drive up to our marriage counseling session. He works just down the road from a Walgreens, and needed some Mucinex, and had asked me if I would stop by and pick some up. I kinda felt resentful about that, because he works right there! I was pressed that day -- school, individual therapy, then pick him up for MC. (And I have trouble with the local Walgreens, so I'd have to drive all the way up there -- two towns away -- in order to get it anyway. Agoraphobia is much worse lately...) So, I was kinda feeling invisible, or unimportant anyway.
Last week, we had had a rough time over something that had happened that past weekend. I was sick, and had laid down for a nap. I'd finally gotten to sleep, and then hubby woke me up to find out how to do laundry. I was upset about that, because he sleeps on the sofa all day on weekends, and I try not to bother him. Then, I get half an hour, when I'm sick, and he can't even let me be then. HIS needs matter, mine don't.
Anyway, that session involved gently asking him if he'd considered my needs, and me being asked to "see that he was trying to help" -- which I couldn't, since this sort of thing has happened too many other times, so I felt very childish saying that, but felt it would not be true to say that I thought he was trying to help. I thought -- and think -- that he was just trying to make sure his own needs were met, and I just didn't matter. I finally compromised, and felt as though I was in the wrong, by saying that I thought it was good that, knowing how sensitive I am about laundry, he had asked how, rather than risking a mishap. I felt very childish and resentful that I couldn't just say, "Yes, I think he was trying to be helpful."
So last night, I brought up something that had happened that morning -- hubby slept through his alarm again, and snapped at me for trying to get him to turn it off. I copped to being childish by getting up while leaving my alarm set.
The MC asked me what I wanted? I couldn't answer that, and of course took it to mean that I was being unreasonable to ask for anything different. Turns out, that's not what she was getting at. She wanted me to ask for my needs to be met. And she wanted me to ask my husband to meet them.
I didn't realize how much of a problem that was for me, but it set me off in a big way. I don't know what scares me so much about it, but it's definitely up there with things like ursus horribilus, and Republicans in my pantheon of Scary Monsters. Part, of course, is not knowing what it is I do want. Part, I think maybe, is being so afraid that I'm not allowed to want something. Part is that I'll get in trouble, or that I'll be abandoned if I ask for anything, or just that I won't get it? I don't know.
But the end result of these two sessions was that I cried so much I got sick. Felt horrible all night, and woke up hungover from crying. And now, typing all this, I'm crying again. Guess I'm primed for therapy this afternoon, huh?
S-U-X. Guess it's going around, though, if Lurpsie's post is anything to go by...
poster:Racer
thread:681737
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/681740.html