Posted by Estella on August 24, 2006, at 3:03:12
i've been seeing this lady for a while now. she is nice. but... i'm not sure that she knows how to help me. i'm not sure that she understands what i'm talking about half the time. i've come to learn that some conversation topics are kind of off limits because she doesn't understand. the kind of advice she offers isn't really helpful. i feel bad saying that :-(
i feel ungrateful. she really is nice. she really is trying to help me. i understand that. but i'm not sure that we click all that well. sometimes conversation is hard work. for the both of us, i guess. i think maybe it is that we don't click very well. i'm not sure that i can do examples. maybe i can.
i was telling her about how i get anxious in seminars and can't ask questions. about how when people yell i feel upset.
and she launches into this little thing on the board about cognitive distortions and about how you have to challenge those.
and i said that the problem was that i have a heightened startle response. when people start yelling... people see me physically startle :-( that is whats hard. and when it happens i breathe slowly and try and reassure myself that its okay and nobodies going to beat me up but i still feel scared. well... i can still feel my heart racing and i find it hard to think clearly and follow what they are saying and stuff.
like how when i was a little kid and a teacher is giving me some math equation and saying 'what is the answer hurry up...' and i feel so anxious i can't think i can't think... except i never got to tell her that latter bit 'cause sometimes i think she is too busy trying to give me helpful stuff that she isn't really listening to what i'm saying.
:-(
so...
she isn't trained to work with mental health issues. but that isn't it. 'cause i've had similar stuff happen with people who have been. poor fit, i guess. i guess i'm hard to work with 'cause this happens a lot :-(
i'm going to a GP next week. i'll ask about p-docs and medication and therapy and stuff. maybe can get a referral. don't know whether it will work out or not. i'll see i guess.
i feel bad / guilty though. i mentioned to her today about meds. she tried to dissuade me. i appreciate that. but then i also appreciate that... if i get really stressed and go a little nutso (as i've been known to do every now and then) then... what is she going to do? call psych services. i didn't realise she wasn't with psych services. methinks they misrepresented their service. methinks they did. damn them.
why can't i just be happy that she is willing to work with me?
poster:Estella
thread:679557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/679557.html