Posted by Tamar on July 25, 2006, at 14:17:30
In reply to bizarre meeting(s) [and llrrrpp], posted by ElaineM on July 24, 2006, at 21:02:22
Hi Elaine,
I’ve been away from the boards for a while, but I’ve been thinking about you. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a hard time physically. I think I can understand why you don’t want to think about it or read about it. I know exactly what you mean about making it real. On the other hand, might you feel in a bit more control if you knew more about your illness? I only ask because I became diabetic about four years ago and I’ve found that understanding it helps me to manage it better. And I can ask doctors for specific things that I’ve read about. But of course not all conditions are the same.
I’m still very worried about your therapist’s behaviour. Therapists are supposed to limit the amount of personal information they give out about themselves, because clients might think they have to behave in a certain way to make sure the therapist still likes them. That’s what seems to have happened with the thing he told you about why he left his wife, and your memory that he’d said something similar to you. No wonder you worry that he might abandon you. His disclosures about himself are playing on some of your deepest fears. No therapist should *ever* tell a client why he left his wife. There are no circumstances in which it’s appropriate.
I’m also worried about the love poetry. My question is always: How is that therapy? I know you said that perhaps he wanted to help you to relax, but as a therapist he should be helping you to explore possible methods of relaxation. He should be saying, “Have you tried reading poetry?” or “How do you feel when you sit quietly and listen to music?” But what he did was intrusive. Asking you to read love poetry doesn’t sound like therapy; it sounds like seduction. But the purpose of your meetings with him is supposed to be therapy. If you need therapy and you’re not getting it from your therapist, then what will you do for therapy?
Sorry to be so negative about him. But I hate seeing you so hurt and fearful. And the thing that makes me terribly sad is: it’s completely unnecessary. If he were a responsible therapist you would have appropriate support from him and you would be working through your difficulties. Instead, it sounds as if life is even harder than it needs to be – and when it’s so hard in the first place, I feel you could do without the extra strain.
I know it’ll be hard for you while he’s on holiday. If you feel up to it, come and post here lots and lots. It’s always good to see your posts, and I hope you know we care about you.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:669755
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/670378.html