Posted by ElaineM on July 12, 2006, at 20:31:30
In reply to wanting to give up therapy... long, posted by wishingstar on July 12, 2006, at 16:23:04
Wishingstar: You sound like you're at the end of your rope. I hate that you are feeling how you are. I know it really bothers me when I feel like the only reason my words are being listened to, are to diagnose me -- or, let me try again, -- when everything I say, or do, or don't do, is interpreted as a symptom. I feel like it takes away your dignity when you are not allowed to distance yourself from your diagnosis. Like, if a patient doesn't call, and they're told they're withholding or isolating, whereas the patient does call, and are told they're manipulating. How do you win?! [just as an example] Sorry, I don't want to upset you even more, but I get so frustrated by situations like the one you're describing.
I was thinking about the bill you got with the diagnosis. Perhaps she needed a code to put in signifying your short-term stint. Maybe the "adjustment" part could be another way of saying, "I'm seeing her to help her cope [depression, anxiety] with the temporary seperation [adjustment]from her regular T."
I really don't think you should terminate either relationship right now. Perhaps your idea of a "breather week" would be a better idea. Or could you ask her to not talk about your diagnosis, or the BPD stuff, but to keep the session more like supportive therapy. I think it'd be best to wait until you got home to really delve into discussions about the BPD.
I don't think you're unreasonable for expecting your call to be returned. It may not be ideal, but if paying for her to spend time on the phone with you is the only way for you to get to really talk with her right now (which sucks), then I do think a phone session is a good idea -- at least you might get a couple of answers, or reassurances. I'd try not to worry about what either T thinks, and do what is best for your state of mind now.
One thing someone else mentioned (sorry I'm forgetful) about T's not reacting well to others influencing their work with a client, is something I can relate to. I've found that T's like me to make clean-breaks with others I've worked with. As though the two competing voices would hinder my sessions, and prevent me from really focusing on either one, and the actual issues I was supposed to be working on. It's possible that something like that could be going through her head....man, I can see how speculating is tiring.
Sorry this is so long, I'm just pretty bothered by what's happening to you, and I'm concerned. Therapy can be so frustrating and confusing sometimes. Long distance interactions are always difficult, but don't give up yet. Take care of yourself. Maybe some of the little kiddies will make you smile : )
((((((WS)))))))
hugs, ELaine
poster:ElaineM
thread:666420
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060703/msgs/666501.html