Posted by Jost on June 30, 2006, at 23:36:12
In reply to Re: This isn't fun any more » Tamar, posted by crushedout on June 30, 2006, at 21:58:46
Visual images are really important. For me, they definitely are--maybe for some reason, your T doesn't need them, or takes them for granted.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, however, Tamar. Periods of not-matching or of missing one another can be draining, and almost impossible to sustain. But if you've had times of good relationship, there may be value in trying to stay.
I have photos of my T, which I took quite a while ago. I had almost no ability to hold onto a sense of his presence internally-- the place where he should be was just blank or black, when I tried to locate it.Taking the photos helped me feel more connected; and having them, even when I wasn't looking at them, provided a sense of security. In a way, I didn't really recognize him in them-- but they helped anyway. Or I did, and didn't at the same time. But I got real comfort from having them. Esp. looking at them made it a little easier to imagine that he actually existed somewhere.
Even if my internal sense of him isn't primarily visual-- it helps that I can remember the photos (in a way more than I remember his actual face, strangely). Maybe it's connecting the internal and external, presence here and presence there--continuity-- which takes place gradually and in phases over time.
Jost
poster:Jost
thread:662944
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060623/msgs/663153.html