Posted by fallsfall on June 25, 2006, at 11:55:21
In reply to I learned a Ton, posted by Daisym on June 25, 2006, at 1:59:04
> We had the option at lunchtime of eating with our peers or stepping out. I stepped out and bought a tote that says, "If the shoe fits, buy an outfit to match!" :)
*** Perfect.
>
> I learned such amazing things about healing that are biologically tied and make perfect sense. I just wish the speakers weren't so casual with their stories and language.*** Did they ever talk about the prevalence of child abuse, and acknowledge that X% of the people in the class had probably been abused? I'm sure that you weren't the only one.
One of the things that stayed with me is that this speaker believes that most therapies are "biologically disrespectful" meaning they don't acknowledge the need for relationship above and beyond everything else. Our basic biology programs us to need 30-40
"tribesmen" or our clan, but we live in environments that are relationally impoverished and most therapies are focused on making us independent, not interdependent.*** That is really interesting. If I feel brave I might try to write down the names of people who would be willing to go out of their way for me. I wonder how many that is. And they are geographically dispersed. I bet that makes a difference. So we need 30-40 people who we see all the time who care about us???
*** Independence vs. Interdependence. Is this because we don't have the tribe to fall back on, so we have tended to try to compensate, rather than building the social structures that we need? I think that Babble encourages interdependence - and that is a good thing. And the fact that so many of us are lonely so much of the time says that we need more interdependence. So let's stop feeling guilty for being so needy all the time! We are supposed to be needy!
The other thing that was fascinating was that trauma actually creates changes in the brain stem--so in order to promote healing you have to break through to this part of the brain. And what does the brain stem want? Attachment, attachment, attachment. (OK...and air, food and water.)
*** This is comforting to me. That my dependence on my therapist **IS** healing. And also my dependence on friends, both IRL and Babble, is healing, too.
*** It also reminds me of my Ah-Ha moment when I watched "What the Bleep do we Know?". There is a section where they talk about how frequently used pathways in the brain become stronger (more hardwired). And to make significant changes, we not only have to establish new pathways, which takes repetitions, but also have to dismantle the old familiar pathways. This section of the movie has helped me to understand why therapy takes time, and helped me to be patient with incremental progress. It helps to explain why just because I understand something intellectually, I still need to work over time to make it part of my being. Sort of like how muscles work. You know what you want your muscles to do, but you have to build strength before they can do it.
>
> I called my therapist last night, just to check in. I think my message was "I'm OK. OK, I'm not OK. But I'll be OK. Don't worry, OK?" And I said he didn't have to call me back, I was touching based like we'd agreed. He left a message for me this morning and said, "Any message that has 5 OKs in a row needs follow up." And then he said a bunch of other grounding things. We didn't connect but it was OK -- I like having the message.*** It was "OK"?? So your therapist rates the "OK"ness of your voice mails, what a smart guy.
>
> And little daisy is quiet tonight and tired. I think "she" has been hypervigilient for three days straight and is glad to rest now. Poised for flight -- that "run away" response. I've been thinking about that. As a young child I couldn't run away but now I can. I just have to remember that i can. i still want to immediately freeze.*** Yes, you can run away now. And that is what you are doing in your marriage. You are protecting yourself by running away. You can do this.
>
> Thanks for all the support.
> love and hugs,
> Daisy.
(((((Daisy)))))I'm glad you could learn these things, and that you can pass them on to us!
Love,
Falls
poster:fallsfall
thread:660834
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060623/msgs/661288.html