Posted by caraher on June 24, 2006, at 5:34:06
In reply to Re: You were right **trigger ?** » llrrrpp, posted by ElaineM on June 23, 2006, at 22:41:43
> I should not be going behind his back. I shouldn't betray the only one who cares about me so much. He loves me, when the ones who should be in my life turn away from me. (And I don't take that word lightly, or ever usually connect it to me. But I believe it could be true. Maybe not even a romantic-type love, but platonic).
Consulting a professional when you're uncertain about the care you're receiving from another is never a "betrayal." The fact that you view a mild and prudent measure to ensure you get the help you need and deserve as a "betrayal" is itself strong evidence that something isn't right in your relationship with your T! The only person in a position to "betray" anyone here is your T...
> I don't remember what I did. (Like I can't remember if I held his hands back. How much I led him on, in a way.)
Even if you did "lead him on" the fact remains that he has a professional responsibility as well as a personal responsibility to you to keep your relationship a therapeutic relationship, as opposed to the ambiguous mix of therapy and personal friendship and/or romance. And he is violating those responsibilities. This is all about his inappropriate behavior, not anything you may or may not have done!
>
> I am glad that I didn't SI. I'm looking to other things to cope. Which isn't the best thing, I guess, but better than SI (to me at least). I just keep saying in my head that I look disgusting enough already. Maybe if he knew how ugly he would not even want to look at me anymore.(((Elaine))) I'm glad you didn't SI, too! If telling yourself that SI harms your appearance keeps you from doing it I'm glad you tell yourself that. But I'm sad to hear you say you look disgusting. Obviously I've never seen you, but I have read many of your posts here and would be quite surprised if you really looked "disgusting." And quite apart from how you actually look, I know that *you* are not "disgusting."
Take good care of yourself.
poster:caraher
thread:660687
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060623/msgs/660882.html