Posted by Tamar on June 21, 2006, at 19:45:31
In reply to Re: I posted on the substance abuse board » Tamar, posted by crushedout on June 21, 2006, at 15:00:36
Hey crushed,
Nice to hear from you again.
> I do want to fill you in more on what's been going on with me, but it's so much stuff that I find it kind of overwhelming. My life has been pretty intense lately--my career has kind of taken off and I'm making more money than I ever have before. I'm also finding very rewarding creative outlets. And I'm working very hard in therapy (although my therapist thinks I'm working equally hard to sabotage my therapy at the same time, and I think she might be right).
Congratulations on your career! And I’m very glad you’re working hard in therapy. I can understand the sabotage thing; I do a lot of that. In my case it’s because I don’t believe I’m really capable of living up to other people’s expectations, so if I seem to be doing well I try to do less well so that people won’t expect more than I feel able to deliver.
> But the drug use is out of control and I have so many things to live for, I don't know why I'm trying to do myself in. It doesn't make sense.
It’s not unusual. Perhaps it’s partly a fear of success. And of course the urge to self-medicate is a powerful one. Sometimes I think life would be so much easier if I were drugged up to the eyeballs and incapable of feeling anything.
> It's hard to write here about substance abuse stuff because I know a lot of the people I know and care about on this site don't identify with my problems and may even judge me negatively for them (even though they may know intellectually that they shouldn't). That's always a problem with drug addiction. There's a lot of stigma attached.
That’s unfortunate. I don’t know… I haven’t seen a lot of judgement here. But you are right that drug use often carries a stigma. However, if people urge you not to use drugs, I hope they’re talking from a deep concern for you rather than from a sense of judgement. I know I’d be happier if you weren’t using. But I can’t possibly judge you because I use (alcohol) and I don’t see that there’s much difference between alcohol and most illegal drugs. And I’m a smoker too, so I know all about addiction!
> Anyway, it's really nice to hear from you. Maybe I will send you a babblemail soon?
That would be great!
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:659565
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/659898.html