Posted by Tamar on June 13, 2006, at 16:43:13
In reply to Re: dissassociation child abuse trigger, I am confused, posted by happyflower on June 12, 2006, at 19:34:07
> I hate to bother you but you seem to know a lot about this, but I know you are going through a tough time, so I don't want to make it worse, so it this is too hard, just never mind, okay.You’re not bothering me! Talking about this stuff is helpful for me too.
> While I was being abused as a child, I would pretend it wasn't happening to me, I pretended that I was in my safe place the woods where I used to hide all day from my mother. But It didn't work very well when it was my brother getting it, so this is why I remembered him being abused but not so much me. But I really got good at being somewhere else while I was being abused.
I’ve heard of that kind of reaction before. I think it says a lot about your character. Although it must have been very upsetting that you couldn’t distract yourself from your brother’s pain the way you could with your own, actually it says a great deal about your integrity as a person. It means you are capable of empathy. Sometimes kids in abusive situations ‘learn’ not to care about the feelings of their siblings either, and it makes it very difficult for them to form relationships in adulthood.
Memory is a strange thing. I remember my father punching my brother frequently, but when I mentioned it to my brother a couple of weeks ago he had no memory of it at all. And yet I remember it so clearly. I know it happened: I saw it. And you’d think he’d *have* to remember because it must have been traumatic for him. I never thought he would have no memory; I mentioned it thinking he was sure to remember. So in the end both of us were really shocked. I was shocked that he’d forgotten, and he was shocked that I was saying such awful things about our dad.
> Growing up I used to pretend it didn't happen, I pretended my family wasn't really my family in order to survive and to feel normal. Would this be concidered splitting? I don't do this as an adult but only while I was a child and adolensence. Any ideas, this is kinda of scary ya know?
Yes, I think that is splitting. It’s the same kind of thing that happened to me when those guys raped me. On one level I was afraid they’d kill me, and on another level I didn’t believe it was happening. Very strange.
And yes, it is scary. But you did what you had to do in order to survive. It sounds as if this is something you could talk about with your therapist, especially since you’ve done EMDR with him. He must have good ideas about memories.
poster:Tamar
thread:656012
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/656472.html