Posted by bent on June 13, 2006, at 7:14:46
In reply to Re: therapy is stressing me out » bent, posted by Tamar on June 13, 2006, at 3:52:30
> Even if she felt a little uncomfortable, I would suggest that her job is to help you figure out what knowing this stuff means to you. Do you want to be part of her family? Do you feel jealous of her daughter simply for being the daughter of your therapist? Do you feel safer knowing where she lives, so you can picture where she is when you’re feeling low or anxious?I had gotten used to the fact that she has kids. When I first found out several years ago it was almost devastating. That seems so pathetic. But I was jealous. I never wanted to be part of her family, that seemed weird to me. But i was so curious and I hated thinking about how she was probably everything my mom couldnt be for me. This is a big part of my therapy - trying to let go of mom-longing stuff. I hate it. But up until learning this new info about her I had mostly accepted that she has a life, including kids. This just threw me back a little.
> I don’t know if my therapist has kids, but I realised a few months ago that it’s possible for him to have a 13 year-old daughter, and just the idea of it made me feel wildly jealous. And I don’t even know if such a person even exists! But I realised that I really wished my father had been more like my therapist – more sensitive and more concerned and stuff like that. So I guess the point for me was to think about what I felt I’d missed as a teenager. And maybe you can work through this stuff and figure out why it matters to you.
I know exactly what you mean. I wished my mom was more like my T. Its hard talking about what we missed growing up. I find it especially hard talking about it directly to the person I tranfer all the feelings on to, but I guess that is therapy. Sometime I'd like to smack the person who came up with this therapy stuff!! :-)
> I don’t think that knowing too much could ruin your therapy. But feeling you have a secret from your therapist might make your therapy very difficult.You make a great point here. I need to remember this!
> Therapy is so hard, isn’t it? We lay our most secret feelings on the line and then we’re expected to work on them. But the most important thing to remember is that good therapists don’t judge clients for their feelings. They accept these feelings and they help us to understand them and change them where necessary. I hope you manage to work things out with your therapist.
Thanks Tamar, you gave me a lot to think about.
poster:bent
thread:655952
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/656361.html