Posted by All Done on June 12, 2006, at 14:03:05
In reply to Nervous about seeing my T tomorrow morning, posted by All Done on June 10, 2006, at 1:54:30
Thanks for all your posts, everyone. I wish I had time to reply to everyone individually, but I can't at the moment.
The one thing I want to make clear is that I didn't feel like my T did anything on purpose or knowingly to hurt me. And after talking to him, that was confirmed. He told me he was trying to find out how I felt about him not really "participating". I said, "you could have used your 'right' as a therapist to just ask me, 'how did that make you feel?' instead. Then again, I probably would have yelled at you for using that question because I hate it." If he felt he really had to know how I felt about it, he was in a no-win situation, I guess.
I also told him I was hoping he'd have a better answer than "I can't answer that". I didn't even necessarily need him to answer yes or no, I just wanted something more from him than he gave me. Some thoughtful answer about what I do (or don't) mean to him, I guess.
When he again explained that his intention wasn't to get me to play the game again, apparently, that wasn't enough for me, because a little later, he indicated that he wasn't sure what to say about it (him, at a loss for words?? Get out! ;) )and I said, "how about 'I'm sorry'?" He followed that with a sincere apology, but I hate having to "ask" for apologies, you know?
Pretty much, everything he said for a while after that was making me mad and I told him that. It didn't even really matter what he was saying.
Things felt somewhat back on track after I told him about my idea for the Therafriend. And after I gave him the analogy of the two beautiful presents and only being able to open one.
I guess I was still wanting answers from him, though. I asked questions about his supervision and if he ever talked about me. He told me he did...a lot. He said I am "*very* important" to him and he's learned from me. I don't really quite know why it turned into this, but it did. And, it made me feel better.
Something tells me that he wouldn't mind if I could stay with being mad for a while, though. I just can't seem to do it, yet. We talked a little about how being mad is scary to me, but it didn't go very far.
Aaaarrrrgh! I don't know if I explained anything to you guys. I feel like I given you a poor reconstruction of my session and it's all over the place. I guess that's kind of how it felt. That said, he was very sincere with me and I have no doubt he didn't mean to hurt me. Sometimes it just stinks to remember he has that ability - more even than a lot of people in my life.
Thanks, again, for your posts and for asking how it went. You are all so great!
Laurie
poster:All Done
thread:655128
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/655977.html