Posted by orchid on June 5, 2006, at 16:48:40
In reply to Dear daisy (my attempt), posted by Daisym on June 4, 2006, at 23:07:51
So eloquently put (as always), and wonderful wording.
Isn't it amazing how we end up with so much insight into ourselves but yet, somehow miss the link to healing? Maybe the connection just needes to take time - like you can plan out a bridge's architectural plans well ahead, but to end up building the bridge itself takes years. But you have the architectural plans ready to cross your river of sadness and they are perfect. And one day you will be there on the other side of the river. Meanwhile, all you have to do is to lay the grids of happiness and cheer and rightful living which you deserve one by one, and fix them firm and move on to the next one and not look back, and sooner than you realize, you will be done. !!!
Maybe, one predominant thing that I have always noticed from your posts has been your desire to be perfect - a perfect mother, worker, woman etc etc. And a deep fear of not being accepted for who you really are. I think you have a deep shame of things the way they were with you (the abuse), and to compensate for that shame you chose perfection in other things (straight As etc). One thing that might help to alleviate the fear (or rather bring it out fully so it can be dealth with) would be to intentionally mess up things, so you don't have the perfectness facade to hide behind. What I am saying is, maybe you can stop doing things so wonderfully, and do things in a very ordinary way for sometime, so that your own insecurities come out and you can deal with them quickly and get them out of your way, and then later, you can go back to your perfection if you so desire at that point, not as a facade, but as a way to love your life. I hope it makes sense.
poster:orchid
thread:653016
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/653295.html