Posted by Reggie BoStar on June 4, 2006, at 14:32:16
Hi All,
I've had episodes of severe depression since I was 10 (a few traumas seem to have started it). The latest one has lasted for over 10 years; I'm 55 now. Between episodes of severe depression, I suffered from dysthymia all the time. Essentially, I've never been consistently happy since those traumas when I was 10. One of the end results was alcoholism, starting when I was 22 (I was a late starter). I'm "in recovery" now but could best be described as a severely depressed "dry drunk" with occasional thoughts of suicide. What keeps me from acting on those thoughts is a terror of dying - so, I'm stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place that many severely depressed people inhabit.The latest counseler is trying the cognitive approach, specifically by helping me identify possibly irrational beliefs that may be keeping me severely depressed. The first one she tried was a biggie with some content suggested by me:
"The remainder of my life will amount to nothing and then I will die."
This is essentially what I believe, and my mental task is to identify this belief as irrational in order to ease my depression. However, I had to make a change in order to increase the accuracy of the belief:
"My life has not and will not amount to anything, and then I will die."
The "has not and will not" verbage is what I really think, and is making this cognitive approach a poser for me. Because my life thus far has in fact amounted to constant dysthymia and extended periods of severe depression, literally nothing has happened. I never had a family, a career that provided fulfillment of any kind - in fact, nothing that has provided any real fulfillment.
This is making the cognitive approach all but impossible for me. Because of my history, I can't imagine that the "future tense" of this belief is irrational - I just don't have any experience with alternative ways to live, and thus can't know how to make the "future tense" seem irrational:
"My life will amount to nothing and then I will die?"
Well, why shouldn't it amount to anything? How can the "cognitive approach" beat this one down?
Should I in fact be using the cognitive approach at all? Is there another way to deal with someone with my type of history?
Thanks to all who took the time to read this long vent. Have a good day and best wishes to all!
Reggie B
poster:Reggie BoStar
thread:652797
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/652797.html