Posted by ElaineM on June 4, 2006, at 11:30:56
In reply to hugs..., posted by Karolina on June 3, 2006, at 15:54:57
Touch is such a difficult subject. I always think I want it, to prove I'm not the ugliest female alive, to validate that I deserve to be around others, to prove my T cares, is listening. After a year in therapy he started touching me out of nowhere, and now I'm so anxious and scared in therapy. At least while it is happening. But then when it doesn't, it sort of makes me want to crumble. How can I want it when it doesn't happen, but then feel like I'm gonna throw up when it does?
I've read some of your posts before and we have somewhat similar situations. I've just been too afraid to post because I worry that my T could read this and he would get angry, or get rid of me, and I'm terrified to being alone with my problems.
Maybe you could ask your T if it would be alright to hug before you part. Because if you leave it to the last meeting and ask for one he could say no because you wouldn't have any time to "process" it. But if you talked about it, even if it doesn't happen, you could at least hear his justification why. At least you could get some version of closure on the issue, even if it is not the end you'd prefer. Then again, maybe you will get your hug.
I can't give much advice beyond that because I'm not good at controlling situations I get myself into. I follow whomever is leading, however he leads. Are you at all concerned that a prior ten-minute hug, plus knowing you're parting with each other, could lead to further contact, or turn out of control? I don't know if you'd be comfortable discussing that part with your T. I could understand if part of you would want that. Half the time I think that's what I want. Other times it sounds like the ultimate nightmare outcome.
I'm sorry that I can't offer better suggestions. Probably cause your situation reminds me of me. Let me know what you decide to do. I rely alot on reading this board to not feel like an alien freak-show when it comes to having difficulties with the T relationship. I don't know anyone else in therapy, and I'm ashamed enough of my situation to mention it to others. Plus I don't have people in my life that I trust. I know that it might be annoying for others to read (and I feel stupid that this issue has become such a big part of by lonely life lately) but I don't have anywhere else to turn. I wouldn't wish these problems on anyone else, but reading of others going through something similar (even though I'm usually too paranoid to respond) makes me feel less alone.
Thanks for sharing. Good luck with your T. It will probably be tough either way.
El
poster:ElaineM
thread:652436
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/652736.html