Posted by Karolina on June 3, 2006, at 15:11:09
In reply to sex after.......? maybe a trigger?, posted by starloree on June 3, 2006, at 13:28:27
Hi Starloree,
I think everyone finds different ways to cope with things, in both positive and negative ways. For me, when I cope in a negative way, I turn to bingeing and purging but have also experimented with some drugs. But I kind of am dealing with the same sort of feelings for my T right now.
I KNOW that nothing will ever happen, but I HATE having to accept that. So I kind of did what you did...Got with a good guy-friend who I am not romantically attracted to, but chose to hook-up with him anyway. It wasn't sex but still a pretty intense situation. He kind of thought the same thing, that I was just really in the mood, and we left it at that we could hook-up again anytime with no strings attached.
I didn't exactly fantasize that I was with my T when I was with him, but instead I kind of used it as a way to make me less alone...like 'well my T doesn't want me but someone else still does'...It was almost like some sort of revenge thing, or my way of dealing with the feeling of rejection from my T. But now I feel pretty guilty for using my friend like that.
But the thing about choosing to cope negatively with problems is this: after you get out of the bed after sex, after you wake up from your hangover, or after you come down from your drug high - the problem is still there...that's probably how addictions get started. People keep using the same bad ways to cope because they are *temporary* reliefs from the problem they are really struggling to face.
I don't know if any of this helps but if you can, I think it might be good to talk to your T about what happened. If you don't feel comfortable with that, maybe explain how you feel when you're told nothing can happen, tell him how you feel tempted to deal with the feelings of rejection in unhealthy ways. I think it's great that you are even able to talk about your T about your attraction, because that's a hard thing to do in itself.
As I said, I'm not sure if what I am saying really helps because I kind of am stuck in the same situation myself, but I wish you luck with your situation.
-Karolina-
poster:Karolina
thread:652386
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060526/msgs/652421.html