Posted by llrrrpp on May 25, 2006, at 8:30:16
In reply to Re: maybe the hardest talking I've ever done. LonG » llrrrpp, posted by fallsfall on May 25, 2006, at 6:58:14
> It is hard for those of us who weren't in the room to assess your session. And we don't know what your therapist's motives are. One thing we DO know, though, is that you seem to be stronger today than you were yesterday. So while I might not agree with your therapist's tactics, I'm not sure that he wasn't succesful. My therapist keeps saying (when I try to critique other people's sessions) that noone but the two in the room know what is going on, and he warns vehemently against trying to armchair quarterback because from the outside we can't know what the therapist's thinking is.
Yes, I think my immediate reaction which I posted on babble was pretty disorganized and tinged with panic and despair, certainly emotional exhaustion.
I don't know what the technique was, but I think T was successful in making me feel responsible for my own progress. I probably wanted someone to hold my hand, but that's not a realistic expectation. We have to be strong enough to fight our own demons.
> It is very common to figure out after the session that you feel a particular way, and to wish that you could have figured it out IN the session and said something. Finally (after 11 years in therapy), last session I was able to identify that his interpretation didn't help, and I was able to say "But that isn't really helpful". He acknowledged that I was probably right and was able to come up with something else that WAS more helpful. But it has taken me 11 years to get to a place where I can recognize a problem in the session and deal with it then and there. So this is a learned skill. Recognizing things after the fact is the first step.
>
> What kind of therapy does he do? (choices include Cognitive-Behavioral, Psychodynamic, Family Systems, Interpersonal, eclectic (which basically means they mix and match))I asked him at the first session. He's kind of mix and matched. He said that people don't come with an instruction manual, so it's important to be flexible. we do some CBT, and some intrapersonal, and I don't know what else, probably psycho-dynamic, although I warned him that if he gives me Freud's interpretation of the feminine mind I'd be pretty upset! It depends on what issue I bring up.
> What would happen if you told him that you needed some strategies to deal with the suicidal feelings?
Well, he said that what I did the last 2 times are good strategies. Talk to someone until I'm exhausted, take my medicine, and promise not to get out of bed.
> He IS correct in that you DO have to decide for yourself whether you will live or die. But my take is that you could use some help dealing with the panic of having suicidal feelings, so that you can more clearheadedly make that decision.Yeah, I think he underestimated how panicked I was.
> When do you see him next? I would encourage you to see him again and ask some of these questions.
>
> And I definately think that you should ask him why you can't call him in a crisis. He does seem to think that you are pretty strong (which, by the way I agree with). But even strong people need some help.I see him in 1 week. I'll ask him some of these questions, but I'm scared of being hurt if I ask him why I can't call HIM in a crisis. I don't think that there's an answer to that question which would make me feel good. It's a lose-lose.
If it's 'policy' not to contact T directly, then I'll be upset because 'policy' is more important than my safety. I'll be upset at the system, and I'll be upset at T, because he doesnt' make exception to the rules.
If T doesn't want me to intrude into his personal time, then I'll be upset because his boundary is more important than my safety.
Thanks for all of your thoughts, posters. I know I've been pretty incoherent, but that's the name of the game. Thanks for helping me make sense out of some of the fragments of this complicated interaction. I'm not sure if I'll ever figure out what's really going on, but at least I'm working on it. -llrrrpp
poster:llrrrpp
thread:647965
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/648296.html