Posted by orchid on April 19, 2006, at 12:49:47
In reply to need support and suggestions please, posted by fairywings on April 19, 2006, at 12:29:07
Oh, I am really so sorry. It must be awfully hurting.
Are you sure he is emotionally involved with this woman? I remember you having a very good marriage and your husband was very supportive of you.
Lot of times, what happens in office isn't really all that important in real lives. Office becomes something like a fantasy land, where people let down their guards and have some fun away from home. It usually doesn't get serious at all and ends in minor flirting and little bit of personal catharsis and healing where people vent out their issues at home.
I have seen in my old office, where people always flirt - atleast a little bit. They tell other friends what happens at home, their troubles and issues with their wives/husbands, seek comfort or solace from others in office. But it usually ends there. It never gets more serious than a minor therapy kind of thing. People tend to behave a little like therapists to each other and comfort each other, and 99% of the people know their limits though.
I think this woman must have unloaded lot of her personal stuff to your husband, and I think your husband must have just lent her a hearing ear out of courtesy and sympathy. And nothing more. Maybe he felt good about being able to play the therapist role, but I don't think he took it more serious than that. (my conclusion is from reading your posts about your marriage for qutie a long time). It seems he is devoted to you, and likes you and your kids. Sure, he might have known a little bit too much about this friend, and her kids, but most people in office do know more about their colleagues lives than their spouses would prefer. When I used to work, some of my male colleagues confided in me their issues with their women in their lives. In fact, a colleague even told me so many things about his would-be-wife and basically was even seeking my approval. And I never really talked too much in office to anyone. But neverthelss I ended up hearing about it. It was all unwanted information for me, but anyway I heard. But it was nothing more than that for me - it was just some one venting some of their troubles.
I am sure yoru husband thinks of her this way.
Please hang in there. I think it might be a little too early to try to push your husband to go to therapy with you, if he resists it. But I think what you should do, is to tell your husband how uncomfortable it makes you feel that he apparently talks to this woman, and ask him to stop lending a ear to her issues and problems.
poster:orchid
thread:634788
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060406/msgs/634794.html