Posted by Racer on April 4, 2006, at 20:27:12
In reply to Oh, no -- I don't *think* so! long reply/ trigger » Racer, posted by Daisym on April 4, 2006, at 19:12:11
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> So I want to throw things. And break glasses.You know... I've read, and I think it might be worth thinking about, that it can be good and healing and therapeutic to buy a case of cheap glasses and smash them against the wall. Really and truly, if you want to try that, I would join you. I think for both of us it would be good to experience that sort of letting go, letting it out, throwing things.
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> Giving for me isn't pure, it is my way to control things. So it doesn't count.
>OMG! Daisy! You've got the same problem I do! "It ain't enough to do good, you gotta do good with the right intentions..." No, that's not true. The RESULTS matter more than the intent. That's part of what we're trying to learn in therapy.
Hypothetical: Say you've got a guy, and this guy is lonely, he would do almost anything to have just someone else nearby, he can't stand being alone. Well, he's got a huge house that stands up through an earthquake when everyone else's house breaks. The guy tells everyone in the area to come stay at his house, he's got lots of food, and lots of room, and lots of extra blankets, (and a bunch of brownies AllDone baked for you) Does that guy get any credit at all for providing space for people who've lost their houses? Or does he only get criticism for using the natural disaster to get his own needs met?
Don't answer that, Daisy -- just let it percolate.
> YOU are braver than me...you've worked through so many of your issues, and you are still trying to work through the rest. I feel depleted and small. Worse, I don't think I want to be brave. I want to be rescued.Yeah? And? I think we *all* want to be rescued. Welcome to the human race, eh? I'm hardly braver than you are -- but I think we're both brave enough for what we need.
Or maybe it's not about bravery at all. It's more about being stubborn or pigheaded enough to keep going, or maybe I just don't have enough imagination to see anything beyond the two choices: suicide or therapy. If I choose therapy, and it doesn't work out, suicide is always Plan B. (And Daisy? Suicide is harder than you think.)
So, until we're rescued...
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>I'm not a kid anymore, and the realities are that I need to meet my own needs. But I'll help you meet yours too.And that's fair because? When we take both cats to the vet, we take them in the same carrier. The little cat freaks out, but she calms herself by licking the big cat. Give us all a chance to -- oh, never mind. Bad analogy. I like you, Daisy, a lot -- but I don't want to lick your face, 'K? {ducking}
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>So it is so easy to reach the conclusion that I shouldn't have allowed the connection in the first place, because I'm going to hurt him, or you, or other people here on babble eventually.
>I think that's something to explore with your T, because it kinda feels as though this might have something to do with the fundamental problem: that you've experienced that connection as being painful, and now you're expecting that you'll pass on that pain through other connections. I'm hardly coherent today, but I can *feel* what I mean, you know? Your parents -- BOTH of them -- betrayed you, and hurt you. But that's still your most basic experience of what love is. Maybe it's time to update your emotional definitions?
I don't know, Daisy. But I hope you have a way to take comfort from somewhere right now. How about a cat?
poster:Racer
thread:628551
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060325/msgs/628917.html