Posted by James K on March 29, 2006, at 3:29:36
I know everyone is asleep or at work right this second, but I have to talk about this. In six hours, no make that 5 hours and 45 minutes, I have to be in the admissions office of someone that hurt my feelings so I cussed her out and reported her to her boss. And I have to convince that person that I'm insane enough for insurance to pay for inpatient treatment, but sane enough not to be disruptive of their program. I don't want to be in the same office as her, or talk to her, and I'm afraid I'm going to chicken out.
I've been asleep, but without sleep aids or cns depressants, I have insomnia. Also night sweats. I've gotten through this last week of hospitalization by just going along without thinking of this upcoming moment. I invented a phrase for myself "Don't do anything today that will make tomorrow worse." But they let me come home before transferring to the other facility, and I am scared or perhaps I am suffering from anxiety.
I was going to deflect my anxiety about this upcoming situation by engaging in an imaginary dispute here on the internet, but that would just be a deflection, and once I realized that, it lost it's luster. I'm going back to bed, and try to sleep a little more.
So much money, so much intense therapy, scrutiny, socialization. I don't want to face these people. I don't want to cry. I don't want to disapoint the only psychiatrist who ever believed in me and worked extra to get me this chance. or my wife.
I hope by posting this, I can clear my brain a little.
thanks,
James K
poster:James K
thread:625932
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060325/msgs/625932.html