Posted by B2chica on March 23, 2006, at 11:06:17
last wednesday's T appt. my T mentioned that she spoke with my old T and he asked how i was, and she told him ok. well, i wanted her to know i'm fine with her talking to him, telling him how i am (you know legal issues and such). so she then realized that i should sign a form saying it's ok that she talk to him. she quick got a form and i was about to sign it and realized it had both boxes checked, one for her to talk to him and one for him to talk to her (meaning disclose information about me and sessions). i did NOT want that. i told her and she said it's just a formality and that she won;t ask to see my old charts or anything. well, i wanted her to beable to tell old T how i'm doing so i signed.
but
now i'm realizing that she could have right away asked him all info, telling him i signed so that he could tell her everything.
dang it. from day one i told her i don't want that! i don't want him telling her ANYTHING about me.
i was so upset that i cancelled yesterday's appt. and now i'm debating whether i should ever go back. i know she'll lie and say he never told her anything which -i know she knows more than she says. (she's slipped up a couple of times in the past-so i know).
i'm debating if i should just terminate therapy all together. she'll never be able to help me the way i need anyway. what's the freaking point if i can't trust her. she has her own d@mn agenda. to h@ll with my thoughts. i just get this feeling that she has to be 'better, smarter, more knowledgeable than me. and if that means that she has to have a heads up on my personal history than to heck with what i want.i just hate this. i'm just afraid that if i quit now, as i'm going off meds, that i will need someone at least to keep tabs on my emotional being and i will ruin that if i quit. but if i stay...
i don't know. i'm just hurt and confused. i wish i could trust women...i just don't. i feel like i'm being forced to. i HATE that. but maybe since i hate it, it's what i need??? dang this therapy cr@p!
upset
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:623639
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/623639.html