Posted by Daisym on March 14, 2006, at 23:33:08
In reply to Those gorgous blue eyes looking into mine....., posted by happyflower on March 14, 2006, at 16:32:43
Why is it a dinosaur now, instead of an elephant? It should feel a little smaller now that you've talked about it some.
I felt a familiar ache when I read your post. Loving like this is really hard. I think perhaps because it comes from such a deep place from us. It is so much more than transference, or erotic fantasy. It is that deep, almost primal pure feeling of deep connection and affection. I have said something similar to what you said, "I didn't know I could feel like this about someone else." It s&cks that I had to find out I could love this deeply with someone who can't reciprocate in anyway.
Is it wrong? To love? No. I think this kind of love is very special and it is allowed within the confines of therapy. I think it is actually a wonderful gift he has given you, this awareness that you can feel like this. And he should be flattered that someone as special as you are thinks he is worth loving.
But acting on these feelings in anyway is unethical. Because this is his work. And not everyone is able to protect themselves and could be taken advantage of. So the rules exist for good reason. We are so vulnerable and there is a power imbalance. He doesn't call you when he is having a hard time, etc. As much as we can rationalize away everything else - his wife, your husband, etc., etc. The thing I remember someone writing is that he would have to give up his life's work to be with you, and that is an enormous thing. Eventually a resentment would set it and then where would you be?
I don't know why it has to work like this. I mean, of course I can see how this is a set up for all kinds of deep feelings on our side. And Yes, I can see how they could develop feelings for us too. It is hard to reconcile that the healing is in the relationship when the relationship feels so painful sometimes.
((((Happyflower))))
I get it. I really do. I just don't know what to do with it.
poster:Daisym
thread:620284
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/620449.html