Posted by fairywings on March 8, 2006, at 1:35:40
I've been lurking hoping to keep up with ppl. Sorry to not lend much support for awhile.
I don't know if anyone can help me understand this. I'm just not good at pulling things apart and figuring things out. I don't know what any of this means.
I hate my body to the point where looking in the mirror, or showers disolve me into tears - all I can think about is that I look like my parents. I am full of shame, and self loathing.
I've lost track of time, had "transparent" dreams while awake - very short, just maybe 10 - 20 seconds, I'd guess. Usually when I'm tired, but have "daydreams" (or very caught up in thoughts) even when it's not a good time to have them (driving).
Said things or emailed things I don't remember.
I've had a lot lot of anger, irritability, and then rage toward myself - manifesting in an ongoing seething tirade against myself. When I try my best to stop the neg. thoughts, something inside spews out worse things against the part of me trying to be more positive.
I can't identify "how" I feel about things. I just don't know what I'm feeling - when i try to understand, it all just becomes a mass of jumble thoughts. In therapy, I can't process my thoughts. I can't answer questions accurately bec. I need time to process - my mind doesn't go blank, but what comes to mind isn't accurate, and i don't realize that till later.
I have trouble talking about it bec. I find this stuff really embarrassing.
thanks,
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:617352
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060225/msgs/617352.html