Posted by Tamar on February 23, 2006, at 18:11:33
In reply to What just happened?, posted by Voce on February 23, 2006, at 1:27:26
> As part of our pre-marital counseling, I met seperately with the counselor tonight. I went in not knowing what was going to happen and not expecting to really talk about anything too deep. I'm not sure how this all happened...the counselor knew I had a history of depression and started asking a few questions, and before I knew it, I was crying for the entire appointment.
Wow. That must have been quite a shock to you.
> When I was in therapy with ex T, I didn't cry a drop. Tonight I couldn't turn the waterworks off. We talked about my family and how things are still hard, what I dealt with in treatment, what tools I have to fight my depression, how it may affect my future marriage, and lastly, my feelings for ex T. He said at one point, "Do you realize you're still grieving?"
A very good question!
> No, I hadn't realized that. I was at a point where for a couple of months I've thought I was done with all that, moved to the acceptance part of grief. And tonight I just cried and cried.
You can move back and forth within the stages of grief. Perhaps you can accept it some of the time, but there may be other times when you experience depression and denial. And not just about losing T1 but about the other losses in your life as well.
> He thanked me at the end, saying he was touched that I shared what I did. I left feeling tired and now I don't know WHAT to think. I almost feel like I betrayed myself because I didn't intend to go in there and talk about all that. He accepted it with grace and sensitivity, which made me feel safe I guess, but I don't know him 1/10th as well as ex T, and yet I feel safe enough to cry my eyes out?
I reckon you learned so much with ex-T that you found you were able to share more when you had the opportunity. I believe you’ve been working on your issues ever since you stopped seeing your T, and you’ve been able to use what he taught you for your own personal growth. So even if you weren’t able to cry with T1, you learned very gradually (from therapy with him) how to be vulnerable enough to allow yourself to cry. He can still take some of the credit. And, of course, so should you.
> He offered to see me privately again. I don't know if I want that.
If you trust him, it might be worth considering. If you’re anything like me, you’ll find the transference with a male T very useful (if painful). And as much as it hurts, it can make a profound difference to your overall quality of life.
I hope you’ll consider it. And at the very least I hope you found the session useful and helpful as preparation for marriage. (I have to admit I’m finding marriage very difficult at the moment, and I do believe it helps to have a very clear idea of why you’re getting into it…)
Good luck!
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:612333
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060211/msgs/612567.html