Posted by Daisym on February 14, 2006, at 0:28:25
In reply to What is wrong with me? (Like I don't know...), posted by Racer on February 13, 2006, at 20:22:05
I think I really like and want to borrow that term: emotional tupperware with a burp lid. I think that is essentially what therapy is - a container that holds us when we aren't there and the burp happens during sessions. Can I share this with my therapist, please? He will love it.
I think you MUST let off steam. Writing hard and fast helps me, watching movies that make me cry, even if I'm crying for the wrong reason, and of course, losing myself in a book. OR four. I bake too.
Antigua suggests hitting stuff with a rubber bat. (Not your husband or neighbor, unfortunately.)Annie meditates. GG gets Starbucks. Falls does yoga and walks the dogs. I think Happy Flower works out really hard. I've heard other people do primal screaming and praying. I've even seen things about having an orgasm. I'm sure there are lots of other things I'm missing. My point is, selecting something, anything and giving yourself permission to "lose it" doing this thing is important. Just try hard not to hurt yourself.
I think I know exactly what you meant by forced functionalism while being aware that the edges are blurring and you are imploding. Isn't that an old coping mechanism? Instead of saying, "hey, I need help over here!" we crawl inside ourselves and look more and more competent until we explode. And everyone around us says, "gee, she was doing so much better..." And we ask ourselves how they missed it...didn't they see that milimeter of a tear that popped up last week?
Wanting to drive into tree is scary. I've been there. I wish I could take away your hurt. All I can say is that you are entitled to your pain and like any healing process, cleaning out those wounds makes things hurt worse before they heal. How many times have you shared the gross puss infection analogy with me? I'll remind you that you are right, and it applies to you too.
Can we look at all the variables of things that might be contributing that you do have control over? Are you sleeping enough? Too much? Are you eating nutrious stuff, especially enough protein? It doesn't sound like you are taking enough wellbutrin -- and I know you hate him-- but you need to call pdoc if you are in the black hole again.
I'm glad you know you need to talk to your therapist. Perhaps you pushing yourself too hard and are emotionally flooding. The other thing is to look at significant dates...is there an anniversary trigger in here anywhere?
Enough questions? I'm holding out my hand Racer. Take it and hang on. I've got so much to tell you when we finally meet. I have faith that you will get through this.
Hugs,
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:609277
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060211/msgs/609349.html