Posted by Susan47 on February 13, 2006, at 19:46:18
In reply to just venting, posted by LegWarmers on February 12, 2006, at 9:39:57
I'm just editing putting this together...
Im just wondering if I can keep my cool today, we'll see
> I did something I feel really bad about it. I feel so awful about it. Doesn't matter whats done is done right? Right! Well not exactly, I could try to fix it, but I don't want to.
Maybe I need to hear it over and over again how lazy I am. Maybe the potential others saw in me scared me or the pressure I feel and so now I don't want to do anything? Maybe I want people to think Im lazy so they stop expecting things from me?Can anyone relate to that thought?? Im really thinking on this a lot!
Okay, and you're not whatever you thought, was it crazy or something? My mind is mush, absolute mush right now. But ... yeah. Anxious, expectations, can't do it, can't do it, WON'T do it because I'm alone, no matter what I do, I'm not with the person I want to be with most, but there really isn't such a person, so why do I feel this way? Religious types would think I'm longing for god, or some such thing .. but I'm not religious, unfortunately, not in the least .. although can Life be a religion? I mean, can you live it as though it were the Only Thing? There's so much pressure, so much and I just cannot, CANNOT handle it ... that's me anyway. It looks lazy on the outside, it's anxious on the inside. Very, unbelievably anxious, physical pain anxious ... we need a lot of friends, we need friends who can Do Things to help us be and do better, and I hope you find the right people, there's people who you can click with .. like a lock and key .. you know, they're your friends but helpers, too. (((Legwarmers))) It'll get better, but expect less of yourself while you're realizing what's going on, don't stress about this, just accept what is, for now. Maybe it's just realizing there's no boogey-man ... I don't know. I don't know.
poster:Susan47
thread:607531
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060211/msgs/609263.html