Posted by Daisym on January 31, 2006, at 0:10:13
I think I'm moving from the grammar school of therapy into the middle school. I've been thinking about this because something has changed, it feels different somehow. In grammar school you get to have snack and recess and you make valentines and there are lots of people watching out for you. And you learn to trust YOUR teacher and think he/she is the very best. The beginning of therapy had this same kind of small school warmth for me. It was scary, I didn't know the rules but there was so much warmth and support. And I really needed that. And I did think my therapist was/is the best.
As we've worked together these past 21/2 years, he challenges me more now. He holds up a mirror and helps me see how I'm contributing to the interplay of characters and unhappiness in my life. I know more about him and about therapy and I allow myself to know that he isn't perfect and he can't save me. I have to do that for myself. I think of middle school where there are so many more students and responsibilities and you get a break and lunch, but no recess and no art, unless you happen to be taking that class. You have 6 or 7 teachers, a team of people to help you through each day. It isn't warm and cozy very often but there is a lot of learning going on and a growing sophistication of independent decisions.
This seems like a good thing to be happening. Less dependent feelings, less emotional energy on missing my therapist. So how come it feels crummy? Is it the bittersweet component of knowing I feel better, stronger and more capable but that means giving up the wish to be rescued and cared for by my therapist? Because now I can do it for myself.
Growing up s*cks.
poster:Daisym
thread:604709
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/604709.html