Posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 18:49:33
In reply to Feeling pretty hopeless, posted by Racer on January 26, 2006, at 13:38:01
> Sorry to sound so much like a whining parrot, but I feel very hopeless today.
Sorry you’re feeling hopeless. I don’t think you’re whining, though; you’re just talking. It’s OK to say how bad you feel…
> I've been feeling very bad lately, and I don't think it's all psychological: I think the meds are involved in this. I was trying to explain to my therapist, who suggested a personal trainer she works with as a way to find out how much is fixable by more effort on my part. I've been feeling as though I'm kinda trapped inside myself, as though I have energy, but I can't get to the surface of myself to use it. And even just walking up the stairs feels impossible, as though my legs won't respond to my brain. I know, it's not making a lot of sense, but it's like I'm so withdrawn inside myself that I just *can't* do anything. I did try to exercise at home a week or so ago, and literally COULD NOT do it. I felt much worse after giving up, too, than I had before I tried.
I tend to agree with you about meds, mainly because I’m not finding meds as helpful as I’d hoped (so I’m probably projecting). But I *do* think that in the last few weeks you’ve been sounding increasingly depressed, and I think you need urgent help.
> So, the personal trainer was to try to see if that was physical or psychological. And I called my husband to see if I could do it. He said yes -- but that it couldn't be a regular thing. So, I made an appointment for the consultation. Only to have him come home and start on the "we need to talk about money, because you don't even look at our financial position, etc." (Money is a major hot button for me, and does send me over the edge -- especially when it's thrown at me out of the blue and when he's doing his usual 'no point, just going on about how much I don't pay attention to it.') So, I cancelled the appointment.
OK, I’m not a professional. But you said you tried to exercise, couldn’t do it, and then felt worse. Sounds psychological to me. Probably not physical. Just my two cents, and I’m not an expert.
> And I feel as though I'm never going to get anywhere. Our marriage counseling is circling the drain and I'm more frustrated every week. The insurance company just informed me that they are requesting a refund from my nutritional counselor, because they should never have paid for any of it. I don't feel at all comfortable with the new pdoc -- so much so I'm ready to stop all the drugs. (Which I am ready to do anyway, to see if that helps with that paralysed feeling.)
In my experience, my relationships with the people I live with are extremely important. Sorting things out with my husband is making a real difference to my feelings, and being an adequate parent is especially important to me. It can be VERY difficult because you have to make yourself vulnerable and you *will* get hurt sometimes. But your husband promised to love you until death. If he’s half the man you thought he was when you married him, he’ll learn how to be there for you eventually. One of the hardest things is that you have to cope with his feelings when you’re not at your best emotionally. And until he learns what’s at stake, you’ll probably find yourself carrying most of the emotional weight of the relationship. But if you are doing counselling together he should eventually hear you and learn what he needs to say and do to help you. Oh, and one thing I found is that touching helps immensely. It doesn’t have to be sexual; just regular cuddling and physical contact makes me feel so much better. I don’t know if that would work for you too…
> I think I'm just whining. I wish I knew what to do -- I would schedule extra therapy, but if we can't afford the PT, we obviously can't afford that. I think it's time for a nap, because I feel so overwhelmed by life today that being awake seems like a lousy idea.
I’m sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed. FWIW, I’m not sure if the PT would really have been the answer. I’d recommend going out the door of your place, walking for two minutes, then turning around and walking back. You’ll be out for four minutes at the most. If you’re enjoying it, you can walk for longer. If you’re hating it, it’s only four minutes out of your day. The important thing is to do it every day, as early as possible. On days when you feel you can’t face it, just tell yourself you can walk very very slowly and if you only take ten steps in four minutes, that’s fine. Even if you only take four steps, that’s fine. Oh, and don’t force yourself to shower or brush your teeth before going out. This is just a four minute walk; heck, you can do it with a coat over your jammies if you want… Also, don’t make any rash promises to increase it from four minutes. If you do ten minutes one day, it doesn’t mean you can do ten minutes the next day. Don’t increase the pressure on yourself. Four minutes is enough.
Well, it works for me. Again, just my two cents.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:603035
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/603140.html