Posted by Racer on January 22, 2006, at 21:21:53
It's more than just emotional pain right now, physical pain, too, and tiredness. I am just dragging through my days and not even trying to do anything at all -- except sleep. I am trying to sleep all day, so that I can avoid the whole day. I'm not particularly sleepy, just avoidant.
I can't quite manage to speak out loud, and don't really know why I'm bothering to write this, since I don't really have anything to say.
Is this all from therapy? I am beating myself up so much right now.
I think it's partly in response to that pdoc. I'm failing again, and she's looking like preparing to be like the last one -- write me off as someone who can't be helped. And partly the group therapy at my Ts, which is great -- except that everyone else is bulimic, and I feel so isolated there. I can't say I'm ashamed of my anorexia, nor embarrassed by it, at least not nearly the way they are. I'm just ashamed at my absolute failure to lose weight. I'm so far the fattest person there, and I hate that. And the oldest. And here I can hardly leave the house and htey're all working, mostly with advanced degrees, etc.
Sorry. Guess it's just another case of me being a pathetic loser. A failure.
I don't know why I'm posting this.
poster:Racer
thread:601911
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/601911.html