Posted by Tamar on January 20, 2006, at 19:45:13
In reply to Transference outside of therapy, posted by fallsfall on January 20, 2006, at 16:44:43
> So since I know this, aren't I supposed to start feeling better? Why can't I look at this realistically? Why am I still reliving the pain of the past, even though this situation is clearly different?
Maybe because the past still hurts, and this reminds you of it?
Is this partly about your sense of responsibility? (Is that question either really silly or really obvious?) And… there’s also a lot of disappointment if you’ve worked hard on something and people don’t follow your recommendations.
Did you feel they weren’t particularly enthusiastic about the work you’d done? I can imagine that would cause you to feel your work wasn’t appreciated. And maybe they should have been more appreciative of your efforts.
I reckon one of the hardest lessons of professional life is that good ideas are sometimes ignored. Your ideas could be brilliant but if they don’t accord with current management strategy they might be completely ignored. It’s hard to take a step back and say, “My work was good, my ideas were good, but perhaps the timing just isn’t right, or perhaps management wants to go in a different direction at the moment.”
It’s hard not to take that kind of thing personally. But I tend to think the happiest people are those who let the rejection of an *idea* wash over them (because it’s not a *personal* rejection) and wake up the next day with a new idea.
Public humiliation, of course, is very rude; your previous bosses should be ashamed of themselves. There is no excuse for a boss publicly humiliating an employee. It’s just plain unprofessional. It indicates very poor management and very unpleasant working environments. I simply wouldn’t work with someone who humiliated their employees publicly (lucky me; I get to choose).
I reckon work is particularly hard because it feels personal but we’re not supposed to show our feelings. So we pretend to be robots when underneath we’re seething…
I really hope they do adopt your ideas; I’m sure your ideas were really good ones!
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:601161
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/601255.html