Posted by Susan47 on January 16, 2006, at 10:52:41
In reply to hope you are ok, posted by rubenstein on January 14, 2006, at 10:18:10
You're all wonderful for helping me, and I love you for it. Yes, I did a little bit of everyone's advice, and it pulled me through for the most part, although honestly I didn't read Any Babble this weekend at all, and that was a nice break too, not to feel bound to come here, to try to make it better, to help someone else feeling similar anguish, and pain .. it was nice to breathe and hang out with my eleven year-old, beautiful daughter who I'm teaching fabulous things about life, to ... I mean honestly, there's just nothing this rewarding (plus starting my own biz, which I LOVE working from home, it's the Best, and as long as I get out a lot and talk to a lot of people on the phone I'm FABULOUS and great, almost manically happy, but then it's up and down, up and down.) I still feel anxious about this ex-T and his opinion of me and all the thousands of things I've said in open vulnerable insanity, you know, allowing that obsession to take me, it was a Love Obsession, wasn't it? I think that's what it was, and thank God I fought it off as much as I did, I mean, can you IMAGINE what a seriously delusionally sick person could do with an obsession? Yuck. I mean, it's like that movie with Glenn Close and M. Douglas, I could never look at either one of them the same way again even though they just played these characters, I developed a severe dislike for both of them as actors just because they were ABLE to play that sick stuff ... but they're actors, you know, and my mind really was telling me that this T was malicious and malignant and just Not Nice, and I had to protect myself from him but love him too, because the Love part I just couldn't help, it just snuck up on me and THAT is scary. Finding this person who suddenly seems to embody everything you're looking for. Sometimes I felt like his.. and I KNOW this is going to sound weird, but I felt like a doppelganger (I don't know how to enable the Languages feature for the "a" with the umlaut, who knows, everybody except me?..)
Anyway, THANK YOU for listening to me ramble on and on, rambling here and talking and having you guys help me, really seems to be kind of healing. M-WAH kiss to you-all ... :)
poster:Susan47
thread:598699
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/599622.html