Posted by LegWarmers on December 26, 2005, at 20:16:33
In reply to I would like to address some statements by » orchid, posted by crazy teresa on December 26, 2005, at 16:07:40
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> POSTED BY ORCHID:
> But apart from that, as to what you said about my marriage, well, the thing is I am from a different country and a totally different culture. If I get a divorse, the chance of remarriage is extremely slim for me here. And I can't marry outside my country or race because of my own preference. I just wouldn't feel comfortable marrying someone outside my country. So I have to take that into consideration when I plan my actions about my marriage.
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> QUESTIONS I HAVE:
> 1. When did which country you live in or what culture you were raised in determine whether or not it's ok to abuse others? This is not a cultural issue!
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> 2. Does having a husband make you a more valuable person? Why are you so afraid of being without one?Actually abuse is a cultural issue, in some parts of the world it is completely acceptable for a wife to be subserviant (sp) to her husband. I can't say I agree with this but it happens and when you are in *that* country/culture being much different and opposing things can cause major havoc.
I live in the western culture and having a spouse does indeed make me a more valuable person among the people I associate with. Its a shame, but its true, im sure not all over the us etc but it is definaelty a social thing.> QUESTIONS I HAVE:
> 1. How does the western world figure into this? Again, this is not a cultural thing! People all around the world rationalize themselves into staying in abusive relationships. The pattern stays the same.
>I apoligize Orchid if I am wrong but my understnading is that she moved to the US with her husband and in her culture that is a big deal?
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> 4. How exactly is anyone ever free and independant while in an abusive relationship?
I think you have to be in that country/culture to understand fully what the consequences may be.> 6. Divorce effects parents, relatives, friends, co-workers, neighbors, children, businesses, societies, and is never an easy decision! Why do I feel as if you think divorce in the US is easy?
>I havent got that from orchid but divorce in the US is easier than many other countries. the US has the highests divorce statistics out there as well as remarriage rates. i believe in India women have a much harder time remarrying. In some countries you are shunned for getting a divorce, it doesnt matter what the reasons are, even if a man cheated, the women is seen as the bad one. She caused it, and she has dropped her chaces of marrying again significantly, and in some places an unmarried women is looked down upon.
> > You may not be able to fully picturize what I am talking about, but it is just perhaps very different.
>I think this is key!
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> POSTED BY ORCHID:
> So I think I was projecting that same kind of caution on to you as well. But as you said, you are in a different state - you don't have the same kind of restrictions and limitations that I have. So maybe it just does'nt apply to you. You are much more free to enjoy and explore and choose the life you want than I am. I should have taken that into consideration before airing my views.I think we all should think like this, there are people here from all over the world, in a sense we should all take that into consideration when we post. Even people who in the same state have very differnet views. Sometimes I read things here that feel like direct attacks at me, I know they are not! But we dont all have the same views, beliefs, luxuries, or freedoms, we just dont.
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> QUESTION I HAVE:
> 1. Who has placed the restrictions and limitations on you? In accepting these ideas of your culture, are you not placing them on yourself and eventually your children, thereby limiting the ablility to enjoy, explore, and choose the way lives are lived?
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> Sincerely motivated,
> crazy teresa
And I too mean this in a kind thoughtful way, I just felt I needed to voice my opinion. In certain cultures things are very differnet from the US, many things just wouldnt fly over seas. in reality people have to adapt as well as they can to the situations they are in, by fighting it a person can sometimes put them selves in a more unpleasant situation than they were before.
Now just to clear this up in case it sounds like Im supporting abuse...Im in no way supporting this, what I am saying is that not all cultures are as open and accepting of certain traditions and commonalities that people from the US are. And if Orchid is in an abusive realtionship I think she should leave, but it sounds to me that this was worked out?? I hope so because no one deserves to be in this situation....EVER.
poster:LegWarmers
thread:588054
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051216/msgs/592303.html