Posted by jammerlich on December 13, 2005, at 11:42:53
In reply to Re: Seemingly simple things which are so very hard..., posted by orchid on December 13, 2005, at 5:27:47
> Actually i think I didn't understand you correctly.
>
> I understand that she is open to seeing you if you changed your mind about AD?To be completely honest, I'm not really sure. She just said, "if you ever find yourself in a different place." I don't really know what that means. It could mean if I change my mind about AD's, I guess. But couldn't it also mean if I'm not so depressed anymore and better able to do the work? Because as far as that goes, I am light years beyond where I was a year ago. I was barely functional then. But now I'm back to travelling more, which is something I loved but had stopped doing. And I've started my own business and it's been successful and is getting me out of the house more. I'm certainly NOT the same person I was back then.
Basically, I don't know what she meant. It's probably a gripe I DO have with her style. Sometimes she'd talk around things instead of dealing with them head-on and it left me feeling confused about her expectations. For instance, this whole termination fiasco happened over 2 phone conversations. First she said I couldn't come back unless I was willing to start doing some things that made me uncomfortable. Well, I thought that meant things other than medication. Afterall, she'd been encouraging me to get involved in life more. I was at a point where I rarely got out of bed and didn't shower unless I had an appointment. So, I took a few weeks and started trying to pull myself out of the pit. I got out of bed everyday, properly tended to my grooming, and started reconnecting with my friends. And then I called her to tell her about the changes - but she still said no. And at that point even I had to press her to get her to say exactly what she wanted. All in all, I guess I'm concerned that she really just wanted to get rid me - period. And maybe the reason I find all the letter business so hard is because I'm afraid to confirm that. But I don't know any other way to go about finding some peace.
poster:jammerlich
thread:588582
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588653.html