Posted by daisym on December 13, 2005, at 10:24:54
In reply to Re: Need Some Insight » daisym, posted by Tamar on December 13, 2005, at 9:31:03
I've read all of your replies and I don't think it was the sexual aspects of the discussions going on. Those ideas aren't new to me and my whole life I've felt on the fringe of being able to joke in that way. But I know the reasons why and it doesn't bother me.
I think the idea of conflict and not being able to make peace and keep everyone happy is probably more of a direct hit. I don't like it when my friends are "fighting." And some of the posts about what people have experienced (abuse, neglect, rape,) are so sad. Happyflower had a thread I couldn't respond to along the lines of how can someone do this to a child? I've asked this question myself, agonized over it. And yet when the response is "they are evil" I feel a huge need to defend, to say it is never that simple. I think I'm triggered in a way I haven't been before, some scary identification with the abuser...and a whole lot of anger comes up. I never do well with that either. (Again -- my stuff, I AM NOT saying don't post it.)
But as I reflect on the parts I keep bringing into therapy, I think what I'm finding anxiety producing is the idea that we, the clients, place such a premium on our therapy and our therapist and they don't. There are many forms this idea has taken lately - intruding on their personal life, dangerous love, wanting to be missed, separations, terminations...and again, this isn't new here. I'm writing about these things too. I think because of the struggle I've been having with the depth of my feelings, I'm just really sensitive to it. I don't want my worst fears confirmed.
This probably doesn't make much sense so ignore me for now. I'll keep working on it and I don't plan to disappear. I'm kind of like a bad penny -- I keep popping up!
poster:daisym
thread:588469
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588631.html