Posted by allisonross on December 11, 2005, at 15:32:50
I've spent 2 days reading all of the posts, and responding to everything said to me; it's worn me out.
Most people were loving and kind and understanding; 1 or two were not.
Some of it was confusing to me, and I wasn't even sure what they were saying, or meant. I felt such a struggle to understand.
I realize what I have been doing is the same thing I did in the abusive marriage:
Explaining that I was not doing what I was being criticized for, or that I didn't mean what someone thought I said....etc., etc., etc.,
That's called "crazy-making" behavior (mine)I don't want to get into a p*****ng contest, here (excuse the crudeness, but that is how I feel).
My explanations (there I go again) didn't seem to satisfy some.
I repeat again. I am in the process of grieving the death of a (31 year abusive) marriage, and coping the best I can alone, not to mention this will be my first Christmas...alone.
Also, at this time of year, I would love to go to church (if nothing else to see my grandchildren in their little performances), but that is lost to me now. I don't feel sorry for myself in the least
just an ineffable sadness
Thank you for listening. Ally
poster:allisonross
thread:588106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588106.html