Posted by B2chica on November 22, 2005, at 12:01:41
well, i'm taking off from work now and won't be back till next monday. so happy t-day all.
tomorrow i'll spend working on my paper. and t-day i'll be at inlaws. that will be ok.it's saturday that i'll need to struggle through. it will really be the first/kinda second time i'll see my brother since all this came out. i'm feeling really apprehensive about this.
my instinct is to suck it all up and pretend i don't feel anything, like nothing is wrong, inside i'll be hurt, scared, feeling stupid and vulnerable.
i keep thinking of what my t said yesterday in session and it's making me sick to my stomach. i was talking about that stupid little girl again.
i mentioned that
***trigger***
my abuser used to say we weren't doing anything wrong, that it wasn't really sex cuz he didn't stay in very long.
my T asked if i had a little girl and someone penetrated her just a little would that be wrong. God help me i knew the right answer but i just can't feel it. part of me says ANYONE who even comes NEAR my child in a sexual way i will beat the crud out of them, the other part says well if what happened to me wasnt really sex then it wasn't. i'm sick about it babble. i feel like such a complete perverted freak!!!!!
if my t had said some (other) little girl i would have no problem saying it was wrong, but when he said MY little girl, i couldn't do it. i'm confused and scared and starting to get mad.please forgive me for thinking what i have.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:581230
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/581230.html